Dear Carlos

Dear Carlos,

Upon hearing that I have been married for forty-seven years to a loving man, your friend asked if I had any advice for a young person considering marriage.  I have no special expertise or qualification for counseling, except forty-seven years’ experience in my own marriage, but I will share that with you.

  1. Respect is imperative. Take the time to see how he/she treats parents and siblings. If a person is not respectful to their family, take your cue from that. Definitely meet their family. That alone will answer a lot of questions about your possible future together. Remember, any children you have may be more like either of your family members than they are like either of you.
  2. Shared values. Discuss your values and expectations. Religion? How will you manage your money? Will you have children? Will you both work outside the home? How will you share responsibility? These factors end relationships every day.
  3. Don’t expect marriage to be 50/50. You will both have to give 100% to make it work. It took me a while to figure out my husband didn’t want to talk things out once a conflict was over. It’s okay to say, “Give me a little time. I am still mad.” It’s not okay to punish or be mean-spirited. Let go of your anger as soon as you can, then put it in the past.
  4. Loyalty. You have to put each other first. We have each other’s back. We trust each other, not wasting time on jealousy and games. We are together because we want to be, not because we have to be.
  5. Make sure the person you love will be your friend forever. You have to be comfortable together, not forever trying to meet their expectations.  You need to be able to laugh and cry together to get through the good times and the hard times.

Best of luck.

Linda

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35 thoughts on “Dear Carlos

  1. Some very good, practical advice, and a length of marriage to be very proud of. There just aren’t that many marriages that last that long these days and I am always happy to see one that does. Thanks for a great post, and thanks for your visit to my site.

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  2. Anonymous says:

    I fully agree.. Although I’m only 3 years married (plus 2 years living together), we have shared a lot during these years.. Birth of our daughter, loss of our family members, financial crises, bought an apartment, changed our jobs, etc. and if it wasn’t for the values you’ve stated in your article we wouldn’t be together..

    So thank you once again for reminding me the values of long-happy-marriage

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  3. Great post! I think it is also very important to not have to big expectations and learn to let the other one unfold as you want to unfold yourself in the relationship. Therefor it is so very important to stay connected through communication. This is my humbly 21-year experience that went through a big crisis which made our marriage stronger than ever.

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  4. Good, practical advice. Also, consider the repercussions of decisions… if you don’t know what the repercussions might/could be, talk to someone who has gone through a similar or the same experience. Good advice on the extended family too. Realize that his/her family is going to end up being YOUR family too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you Linda, for writing this post. As you an see it is good for many people especially he young ones who wish to choose a life-partner. I am impressed with how fast you have come up with this post after I requested you to do it for Carlos who needed the advice. I am reblogging this and to inform Carlos the advice he requested is here for him for free. Once again thanks a million.Did you know I have a daughter called Linda who is very smart? She is a development agent, a journalist, a crusader on gender issues, and has a blog SHE-PLATFORM.

    Liked by 1 person

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