Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 3)

surpriseThis post has nothing to do with Vagina, Boobs, and Poop.  I am doing a post on crazy things my mother has said and done and wanted to see if this garnered interest.  Mother is sensitive about her age and height, so I can’t mention the fact that she is past eighty, and “not tall,” but besides that, has said and done some interesting things.   (Links to part 1&2 below)

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=1251&action=edit

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/

http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

1.  She left her lights on, ran her car battery down, and asked a nice young police officer to “jack her off.”  She wasn’t arrested.

3.  She once crashed  wedding in cut off blue jeans, sitting in the first row on the bride’s side.  The family was not friendly.

4.  She was once locked in a museum and had to be rescued by the fire department, climbing over the fence on their ladder.

5.  She was locked in Windsor Castle. More on that later.

6.  She rolled up a car window up on a camel’s lip.  These things happen.

7.  She made change in the offering plate at church and came out twenty dollars ahead.

8.  She lost her bra at church one Sunday.  She never could explain that!

9,  When two intruders broke in her house, she made one of them help her into her robe before she would talk to them.  She gave them eleven dollars, telling them, “That’s enough!” They thanked her when they left, telling her to “have a nice day.”  She told the police officers later, “They were polite and had been raised right.”  Go figure.

10.  She threatened a rapist

11. She won’t say “Bull.”  That sounds crude.  She substitutes “male cow.”

Don’t tell her I said vagina, boobs, and poop. God knows she tried to raise me right!

She once crashed  wedding in cut off blue jeans, sitting in the first row on the bride’s side.  The family was not friendly.

Mother was at loose ends one Sunday in June after church so decided to visit The American Rose Center.  As it was already hot that day, she donned her comfortable clothes:  cut off blue jean shorts, (neatly hemmed, starched, and ironed since “her mama raised her right!”) pink gingham shirt, tennis shoes and pink socks that perfectly matched her shirt with a big straw sun hat.  She knew she looked cute!

She strolled around for an hour or so, admiring the lovely roses, when she noticed a gathering at a small rustic building.  Thinking there was a “program” of some sort, she decided to check it and cool off for a little while.  Based on the attendance, the program promised to be a good one.  The music was beautiful.  She had to go all the way to row to get a seat.

Just about the time she got settled, the organist started playing the “Wedding March.”  It dawned on her that she had crashed a wedding as the groom’s mother started up the aisle on the arm of the usher.  Panicked, she slipped out the end of the pew making her way out a back door, vacating the place of honor reserved for the bride’s mother, just before the lady started in to take her place.

That was the most unfriendly family she’d ever met.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0HAKC-qt-tJu7qWJLNgSYg  link to YouTube link

28 thoughts on “Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 3)

  1. Perse says:

    Your links in the beginning of the post are to the post editor. We can’t see them because we’re not logged in as you! Please link to the posts as they are where we can see them!

    Like

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