Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 4)

surpriseThis post has nothing to do with Vagina, Boobs, and Poop.  I am doing a post on crazy things my mother has said and done and wanted to see if this garnered interest.  Mother is sensitive about her age and height, so I can’t mention the fact that she is past eighty, and “not tall,” but besides that, has said and done some interesting things.   (Links to part 1,2 &3 below)

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-3/

http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

 

1.  She left her lights on, ran her car battery down, and asked a nice young police officer to “jack her off.”  She wasn’t arrested.

3.  She once crashed  wedding in cut off blue jeans, sitting in the first row on the bride’s side.  The family was not friendly.

4.  She was once locked in a museum and had to be rescued by the fire department, climbing over the fence on their ladder.

5.  She was locked in Windsor Castle. More on that later.

6.  She rolled up a car window up on a camel’s lip.  These things happen.

7.  She made change in the offering plate at church and came out twenty dollars ahead.

8.  She lost her bra at church one Sunday.  She never could explain that!

9,  When two intruders broke in her house, she made one of them help her into her robe before she would talk to them.  She gave them eleven dollars, telling them, “That’s enough!” They thanked her when they left, telling her to “have a nice day.”  She told the police officers later, “They were polite and had been raised right.”  Go figure.

10.  She threatened a rapist

11. She won’t say “Bull.”  That sounds crude.  She substitutes “male cow.”

Don’t tell her I said vagina, boobs, and poop. God knows she tried to raise me right!

#4  She was once locked in a museum and had to be rescued by the fire department, climbing over the fence on their ladder.

Mother had guests visiting from out of town.  They’d been out to lunch and she’d be showing them the sites all afternoon.  Her guests were geriatric; not quite the spry youthful specimen she was.  A gracious hostess, she made sure all their stops weren’t too rigorous or demanding, since some of them faced physical challenges.  She decided a visit to the State Exhibit Museum was in order late in the afternoon, the visit made more enticing since there was no admission.  They strolled the gardens for an hour or more.  The roses, clematis, and lilies were a vision  with their gentle scent perfuming the summer air.  It could have gone on forever but they still wanted to tour the museum before it closed for the day!  Upon climbing the steps and rattling the door, they found it locked up tight.  Mother was offended.   “But the sign says 8:00 to 4:00 seven days a week, except for holidays! It’s not a holiday!  I’m going to call and talk to SOMEBODY tomorrow!”

It occurred to one of the party to check their watch.  “It’s 4:45!  No wonder they’re closed!  We’d better get out of here before we get locked in!”

Rushing to the gate as fast as four septugenarians could, they found themselves locked inside the museum grounds for the night.

This was before cell phones.  The four of them stood at the locked gate waving and gesturing until they finally caught the attention of a passerby who alerted the fire department of their dilemma, once he got control of his laughter.  Eventually, the fine firemen put a ladder over the fence, rescuing the four.  Even though Mother has always been afraid of heights, she was the first to scurry over the fence, fearful a news crew might happen by.  The firemen saved the day and had a fine time in the bargain.  The foursome all learned some useful new skills, and a fine time was had by all!

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/02/meet-kathleen-alias-my-mother-on-video/   link to YouTube link

27 thoughts on “Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 4)

  1. BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA! To all the list of things your mother got up to. My mother liked to be the center of attention, but she usually went about it in such a way as to make enemies. Your mother, on the other hand, did it with hilarity. What fun for YOU! (rolled up a window on a camel’s lip? Wasn’t the camel pissed??? *wiping tears* Excuse me. I need to go get a drink now…

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  2. II bet that was the best day out they had all ad in ages! Nothing like an adventure to keep you youthful, and your dear old Mum had certainly had a few by all accounts.. Please keep them coming 🙂

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  3. I love these stories about your mother. My mother is not nearly as entertaining. I’m never sure how my family will feel if I post about them, so I usually refrain. I wish I could write humor into my posts, at least once in a while. You seem to come by it naturally.

    I tried the You Tube link at the bottom of this post, but it didn’t work for me. I got a message that the channel could not be found.

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