Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 5)

surpriseThis post has nothing to do with Vagina, Boobs, and Poop.  I am doing a post on crazy things my mother has said and done and wanted to see if this garnered interest.  Mother is sensitive about her age and height, so I can’t mention the fact that she is past eighty, and “not tall,” but besides that, has said and done some interesting things.   (Links to part 1,2 &3 below)

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-3/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-4/

http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/sorry-your-highness-my-mothers-a-snob

1.  She left her lights on, ran her car battery down, and asked a nice young police officer to “jack her off.”  She wasn’t arrested.

3.  She once crashed  wedding in cut off blue jeans, sitting in the first row on the bride’s side.  The family was not friendly.

4.  She was once locked in a museum and had to be rescued by the fire department, climbing over the fence on their ladder.

5.  She was locked in Windsor Castle. More on that later.

6.  She rolled up a car window up on a camel’s lip.  These things happen.

7.  She made change in the offering plate at church and came out twenty dollars ahead.

8.  She lost her bra at church one Sunday.  She never could explain that!

9,  When two intruders broke in her house, she made one of them help her into her robe before she would talk to them.  She gave them eleven dollars, telling them, “That’s enough!” They thanked her when they left, telling her to “have a nice day.”  She told the police officers later, “They were polite and had been raised right.”  Go figure.

10.  She threatened a rapist

11. She won’t say “Bull.”  That sounds crude.  She substitutes “male cow.”

Don’t tell her I said vagina, boobs, and poop. God knows she tried to raise me right!

5.  She was locked in Windsor Castle.

Mother corrected me today.  I feel like such a dope.  It wasn’t Windsor Castle.  It was just the grounds.  She was with a tour group and they all got locked in.  They were just enjoying themselves and, as on another museum visit, the group found themselves alone, the exits locked.  She hastily pointed out, this time it wasn’t her fault.  It was the group leader’s responsibility to keep up with the time.

Concerned about arrest for trespassing, they searched fruitlessly for a helpful guard.  None were found.  Eventually, they went up and beat on the castle doors, to no avail.  Mother was quite offended, sure the queen was inside and just refusing to answer because she was a snob.  Though she saw on the news later that night the queen was supposedly in Scotland, Mother was still miffed, preferring to believe she’d been snubbed.  Eventually, the group found an unlocked gate in the gardener’s area and took departure.  Having to go out the back way did not improve Mother’ s prejudice toward Her Majesty.  (For more on this, follow link above  Sorry Your Highness.  My Mother’s a Snob!)

(To be continued)

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/02/meet-kathleen-alias-my-mother-on-video/   link to YouTube link

21 thoughts on “Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 5)

  1. Wow, I have done some of those things. I once was locked in an exclusive complex’s gated parking lot and had to call the building manager’s after hours number on my cell to find a way out. They could not help me, being located in some distant state. I ended up climbing the fence on my own.
    I once had an oil change place find a thong I had thought lost under a seat in my car. Back then, when you paid for a deluxe oil change, they would vacuum your car out, check all the fluids and change your oil. I was surprised to find my white thong and a pair of panty hose sitting atop my dashboard when they finished cleaning the car. I could not remember how either ended up under a seat in the car.
    There is also an imprint of my left hand on the front hood of my car. I have no idea how it got there, what could have possibly been on my hand to have left the very detailed print or exactly when it happened. All I know is that I have tried everything to wash it off and nothing works.

    Like

Talk To Me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s