Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 8)

surpriseThis post has nothing to do with Vagina, Boobs, and Poop.  I am doing a post on crazy things my mother has said and done and wanted to see if this garnered interest.  Mother is sensitive about her age and height, so I can’t mention the fact that she is past eighty, and “not tall,” but besides that, has said and done some interesting things.   (Links to part 1-5 below) https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/ https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/vagina-boobs-and-poop-2/ https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/03/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-3/ https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-4/ htthttps://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/05/vagina-boobs-and poop-part-5/ https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/06/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-6/ http://Nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/07/vagina-boobs-and-poop-part-7/

http://lindaghill.com/2015/01/01/just-jot-it-january-pingback-post-and-rules/

https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2014/10/07/sorry-your-highness-my-mothers-a-snob https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/01/02/meet-kathleen-alias-my-mother-on-video/ 1.  She left her lights on, ran her car battery down, and asked a nice young police officer to “jack her off.”  She wasn’t arrested. 3.  She once crashed  wedding in cut off blue jeans, sitting in the first row on the bride’s side.  The family was not friendly. 4.  She was once locked in a museum and had to be rescued by the fire department, climbing over the fence on their ladder. 5.  She was locked in Windsor Castle. More on that later. 6. She rolled up a car window up on a camel’s lip.  These things happen. 7.  She made change in the offering plate at church and came out twenty dollars ahead. 8.  She lost her bra at church one Sunday.  She never could explain that! 9,  When two intruders broke in her house, she made one of them help her into her robe before she would talk to them.  She gave them eleven dollars, telling them, “That’s enough!” They thanked her when they left, telling her to “have a nice day.”  She told the police officers later, “They were polite and had been raised right.”  Go figure. 10.  She threatened a rapist 11. She won’t say “Bull.”  That sounds crude.  She substitutes “male cow.” Don’t tell her I said vagina, boobs, and poop. God knows she tried to raise me right!   #8  She lost her bra at church one Sunday.  She never could explain that!.  This happened not too long after she came home with the extra twenty dollar bill, claiming she messed up making change in the offering plate.  I’d never have known if she hadn’t been talking to me on the phone as she changed clothes after church, questioning herself, “Now where’s my bra?”  She finally decided she must have forgotten to wear one.  Is that any better?  At her age, imagine trying to incite all those poor men to “lust after her in their hearts” when all they were doing was trying to worship.  Not satisfied with the previous commandments she broke by stealing from the offering plate, getting caught paying her tithe with a money order fom “Mr. Thrifty” liquor store.( bearing false witness while claiming to be a teetotaler) it looks likes she’s knocking out two more or she wouldn’t have lost that bra at church. Technically, she may not have committed adultery, since she’s a widow, but it’s fairly likely she was coveting her neighbor’s husband or her neighbor’s husband’s ass, since she came gallivanting home a little short on underwear.  I can promise you, she wouldn’t have bought that ridiculous story “I guess I forgot to wear one,” when I was a teenager! I don’t think she’s going to be satisfied till she manages to break them all,at church no less!

Note:  I have no doubt she forgot her bra!  Just couldn’t pass up this opportunity to tease!

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