It’s not everyday one hears a dynamic statement like this! Melvin was the ex-husband of Mother’s old friend, Maggie. A good man, he’d gone just a bit “off the rails” and Maggie, had reluctantly left him as a result of his increasingly fantical religious leanings. Mother and Daddy had long been faithful congregants of their church, only missing services if unable to attend. Melvin showed up to visit one day, not long after Daddy died. Mother wasn’t particularly anxious to visit with him but had no concerns about inviting him in for coffee, since the families had been friends for more than twenty years. She served him coffee, dreading what might be on his mind. She was wearing a faded jeans and a cotton shirt with the top button undone. Speaking pleansantly, he asked, “Would you mind buttoning your shirt and rolling down your sleeves?” She did as he asked, as though she’d been caught flaunting herself.
Melvin unfolded a hinged message board. Before starting his talk, he made another request. “Would you please uncross your legs?” She did. Back to the talk; on one side of the board was a crudely painted train, running off the rails in a mountain pass, on the other, a plane ascending toward a cross in the heavens. Melvin explained to Mother, that if she didn’t follow Christ, like the train, she was “off the rails” and headed for hell.
Without thinking she recrossed her legs. He caught her. “Uh! Uh! Uh!” Shamed, she uncrossed them. He continued. “If she followed Christ, she’d do like the plane and “go to Jesus.” She was anxious for this creepy talk to be over and have him on his way. He turned to stare out her front door, speaking in a monotone. “Did y’all know y’all had a snake in y’all’s tree?”
The hair stood up on the back of her neck!
He walked directly to the gun cabinet where Daddy’s loaded guns still stood, took one out, walked to the front door, shot the snake, returned the gun the its slot, and returned to his seat to finish Mother’s religious instruction.
She got her purse, told Melvin she had some business to attend to, instructing him to lock the door on his way out. He never visited again, his duty done..
Truth is stranger than fiction!
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Oooh what a weirdo! Your mum should have seen him off with a boot up his arse!! 🙂
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N kidding.
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I’m left speechless….
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Mother thought me might have gone totally around the bend.
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Can’t blame her !
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I’da booted his sorry behind out the door.
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I wish Mother had.
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Reblogged this on Nutsrok.
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I woulda smacked him at the “let me control your shirt” part.
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Oh, Mother was way too surprised for that!
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I bet!
If there is any justice he went to a hell full of women who refuse to unbutton their shirts. 🙂
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Oh he didn’t go anywhere yet.
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well–I saw the ticket…:)
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Besides, Mother is the Jezebel type!
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LOL..I can see that–I really don’t think your Mother will be doing time in Hell–she’s too cool…
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If she were there, people would be lining up to get in.
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I know I would be…LOL
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Oh for goodness snakes 😉 Good thing it wasn’t an apple tree. Or was it? lol
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OHHHH. Maybe it was!
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I love your stories, Lbeth! Great writing to keep me wanting more! 🙂
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Thanks so much for your encouraging words!
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You have a great way with words, always giving me a smile or making me laugh when most needed. 🙂 🙂
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Thanks for reading and commenting and encouraging me!
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You have far, far to go….:) Blessings.
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Thanks so much. I wish I could invite everybody to Sunday Dinner!
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Lol! Wouldn’t that be fun? Remember what they say….”Be careful what you ‘wish’ for.” 🙂
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Ok where do you live?
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St. Louis, Missouri. How about you?
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Shreveport, louisiana
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Oh dear…. I was going to wrte almose the same words than Let’s CUT the Crap! Isn’t it fun as well???
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But you are right.
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Seems your family drew interesting people into it’s midst like a magnet. 😀 😀
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Everybody knows everybody in the rural South.
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I figured as much. 😮
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Oooohhh that sounds creepy!!!
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She thought so!
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