My parents had very strict standards of appropriate courtship behavior. Some were objective: No dating till sixteen. No expensive or personal gifts. No gifts of clothing. Tasteful gifts included inexpensive perfume, flowers, and books. Some were just common sense: These are the ones that gave me trouble. Don’t even ask to go on a picnic for two or swimming. (Raging hormones) Don’t ever accept a ride from a boy without parent’s permission, even if you’ve been in class together since first grade. (Raging hormones) No phone calls after 8:30 pm. (Disrespectful to parents) Don’t ever go anywhere other than place in original permission.(Being picked up by tornado on way home from church might be excused.) No visiting in homes if boy’s parents are known to drink.
Completely out of the blue, Phyllis was surprised to find she had attracted a very unlikely admirer when she was fourteen or fifteen. Rudolph was in his late thirties and “not just right.” He lived with his old mother in a shacky old house not too far from us. He didn’t have a job, just worked their little farm and did odd jobs whenever the neighbors asked his mother. Rudolph had never spoken to Phyllis, nor anyone else as far as we knew, though he’d obviously seen her. We were watching “Gunsmoke” one Saturday night about eight o’clock, when there was a knock at the door.
Billy answered the door to find Rudolph holding a beautifully wrapped box, asking for the “big girl.” Daddy flew to the door. Rudolph thrust the box into Daddy’s hands, saying it was for the “big girl.” Shocked, Daddy thanked him, apolgetically telling him, “My daughter isn’t old enough to court.” He was nonchalant, as though accustomed to getting packages for his teenaged daughter from the strangest older guy in the neighborhood. Rudolph turned and trudged back across the street to his house. Daddy called Phyllis from her room, showed her the gift, asking her if she had any idea why Rudolph brought it to her. She was obviously humiliated at the unwanted attention and refused to even open it. The rest of us were dying to see what Rudolph brought, so we tore into it and found lacy undies and chocolates. We made short work of the chocolates!
Outraged, Mother wanted Daddy to return the inappropriate gift to Rudy. He refused, saying,” Rudy didn’t know what was right. He won’t be back.” Phyllis threatened any of us who ever dared tell about Rudy’s call on her. I didn’t care about her threat, but Daddy backed her up. That was the beginning and end of their courtship. This is the first time I’ve dared tell.
A few weeks later, Phyllis lost out when Rudy married a woman his mother got him from a lonely hearts club. Myrtle and her two behemoth sons, Fred and Little Floyd hitchhiked down from Minnesota for the nuptials. The happy couple renamed Little Floyd, calling him Little Rudy after his new daddy. They were a happy family for a couple of weeks until Big Rudy found Little Rudy finishing off the last of the hams in the smokehouse. They were thrashing it out until Mama Myrtle whacked her new husband in the head with a hambone. She and the boys left that afternoon, thumbing it back to Minnesota, Little Floyd even plumper than when he arrived.
Poor Phyllis! I know what it’s like, getting picked on for being the good child. ❤️
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Love the stories
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Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Thank you. I don’t know why they haven’t kicked me out yet. I keep telling the truth on them.
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Ohhhh lbeth! That is HILARIOUS!!! Poor Phyllis… I can’t begin to imagine her mortification. Fancy pants before the first date? Never mind the whole creepy old weirdo bit… I would have hit him with a hambone the minute I caught him paying court to a child, “big” as he may have thought her to be! And for the record, your folks were on the right track with courtship… Our kids didn’t date until 18 (raging hormones). You and Phyllis got off easy! 🙂 🙂
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Don’t worry. Daddy was scary enough no boys had the nerve to come around.
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Sounds like a good daddy! 🙂
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I had lots of chances to be mortified – that one was a standout! Funny how that magical #16th birthday that triggered eligibility to date passed right by, along with #17 — the ‘family personality’ and our dad’s giant stature kept the meeker suitors at bay! 🙂
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And the tough ones. They needed to be ready to marry to show up at his door.
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Girl, with a daddy like that, it’s a wonder any of y’all married… haha! He sounds like the perfect protector! And it is wonderful to hear from the REAL LIVE PHYLLIS! You are something of legend in lbeth’s blog… she is an awesome writer – I hang on her every word!
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It was so hard for Phyllis trying to steer me in the right direction. I thought she was prissy and insane, but I put up with her the best I could. We are best of friends, now.
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I had an older “not just right” man send me flowers at a factory job when I was barely 18. He was the sweetest thing. He fell in love with every new, young girl, and his Mama worked on the line right beside me. I remember feeling a little jealous later on in the summer when he sent flowers to a newer girl! lol! He’s probably 60 years old now and still living with Mama! Bless his heart…Rudolph, that is!
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Losing at love hurts, doesn’t it!
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I really enjoyed that post. (I might have to tease Phyllis a it as well). It was the whacking him over the head with a hambone that did it for me!
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The world is full of interesting folks.
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Edwina, you could never render the whacking that I endured being the “butt-end” of Linda’s (lbeth’s) merciless exploitation!! With our family, life keeps surprising… Phyllis the Survivor
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Oh I love Linda’s stories, and you have got to admit, you do have a bit of a crazy family! (Linda included)! I do feel for you though that we all get to enjoy your unfortunate incidents! I roared my head off with that story of the undies! More so because you were so appalled! 🙂
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I still enjoy her horror at such an awful gift from an old man boyfriend.
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Ha Ha! You are so mean! (Funny though)!
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He must be an idiot to present such a gift tothe young girl,,,,
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He wasn’t right.
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Woah thats creepy beyond measure!
What first time courtier would give a girl underwear as a first gift!?
Ugh. He got what was coming to him.
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He was a little off center.
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OMG!!!
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You come up with some of the best titles for your blogs! Cheers.
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I’m glad you think so .
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