Daddy was “the Boss.” God put him in charge, so we didn’t have to worry about what God wanted. If we had any questions, we could go straight to Daddy. He always had a Bible verse at the ready to back him up, if needed. Most of them sounded suspiciously-freshly coined and self-serving, lacking book, chapter, and verse, but not having memorized the entire Bible, it was hard to prove they didn’t exist, like the one that forbade men to milk cows, “You cannot take what you cannot give.” Please. You didn’t have to be a heathen to see through that one. Actually, Daddy anticipated our needs, requiring no effort on our part. Permission to visit a friend, attend a school activity, or socialize had to come from Daddy. Well, this is not strictly true. Mother was free to say, “No” any time she chose. The answer for visiting or socializing was easy. “No. You don’t need to go. Tell so and so they can come here.” “No you can’t go to that party. You don’t know who will be there.” Or even more emphatically, “NO! ………..will be there!”
School activities were usually okay in theory…… 1. If we weren’t grounded. 2. If one of the other kids in the family wasn’t grounded. 3. If nobody in the family had C or lower on their report card. How often would a family with five kids not have at least one doofus with a C or lower on their report card? This ruled out most opportunities to attend school activities, and “It was our own fault. You shouldn’t have even have had to ask.” Of course, the answer was “No.”
School dances were off limits. We were Baptists, and at that time, in addition to preaching the Ten Commandments, Baptists preached against dancing, drinking, and wearing shorts. Even asking to go to a dance was a sin. The sermons didn’t hold the other Baptists back, Daddy always made sure we didn’t do those things expressly preached against. I didn’t have too much trouble with the Ten Commandments, never having coveted my neighbor’s wife, committed adultery, and so far hadn’t killed anyone, but I wanted to go to dances. There was no commandment forbidding dancing, but dancing would have incited lust. If Daddy had bothered to check out the kids we went to school with, he wouldn’t have worried too much about lust. Most kids were hayseeds, skinny, pimply, and inbred. In the early sixties, we had no access to mind-altering substances to make us look better to each other.
In the unlikely event everyone had perfect grades, the activity didn’t break a commandment, our plans could still wash out at the last minute if Daddy was in a bad mood, or one of the neighbor’s kids had behaved outrageously, causing Daddy to require us to be a perfect example. In addition to the opportunity to provide a perfect example, we got to stay home and luxuriate in the added bonus of their lecture by proxy.
Life was a barrel of laughs at our house..
The school dance would have been a miserable reality if you had gone – they’re never as good as they seem (or as good as they’re made out to be the following Monday). But the longing must have been unbearable.
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Especially considering my grace!
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Well done! You have written such a great memoir story. I have a long-ago written eulogy for my dad that needs to get out. But, my mother is the one who had God’s ear. Please look at the past story “YOUR MOTHER IS NOT GOD!” “SHE’S NOT?” How delightful that we have such memories of the good.
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Oh, I will. What about eulogy?
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Growing up is not always easy. So many different ways to go. Mine left and acted like he didn’t have kids. I think it’s in the individual to go the right direction no matter the raising. You my dear went the right direction! Hugs from a far!
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Thanks
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It’s interesting how parents morph into entirely different beings when there are two sets of children! All the groundwork that the older siblings laid secures the parents in their approach and discipline. “We did alright with our rules and mistakes and successes with the older kids, so you know, these younger ones are gonna’ be okay — let’s loosen up some with them”. And then…
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Yep
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The made up Bible verses….gah! Although I do tell my husband it’s Biblical for the man to make the coffee. It’s in Hebrews…
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Good for you!
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My Dad was very stern with me and I was a quiet and studious…. but after marrying and divorcing… I had my time!!!!!!!
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I’m glad. Everybody needs a taste of life.
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Well, that must have been a tough time. Didn’t you feel like in prison at times when looking at the freedom of others? Not easy!
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Absolutely!
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I’m sure-“them that lies, fries,” or something similar, was in there somewhere. 🙂
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Good one!
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Wow. That sounds hard. I am sure they were doing what he thought was right to help you to be a good person. And, I know you are a sweet, good lady.
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He didn’t want any trouble.
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