Goofy in the Airport

imageMother accompanied me to visit a relative a few months ago.  It was a route I flew often enough to get expedited security.  I explained to security I did not want to be separated from my elderly mother.  They saw her in her wheelchair, which she always requests for convenience.  She immediately put on her goofiest look, which is quite convincing.  Starting her Alzheimer’s act, she started firing questions at me and security.  They rushed her through.  Frankly, I considered abandoning her, she was making such a pest of herself.  I was glad when we got out of security and she got back to her normal goofy self.

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Unforgiveable

white mouseI have to confess.  I did an unforgiveable thing many years ago.  Several children were roaming the neighborhood and came to play in my backyard one afternoon.  I gave them white mice.  I still feel guilty.

“Do Not Disturb!”

honeymoonHad a hilarious complaint from a patient when I was a nurse.  The doctor came out of a room saying the patient’s wife wanted us to give her a “Do Not Disturb” sign to put on her husband’s door.  We kept disturbing them when they were trying to have sex.  Didn’t take us long to get that sign made.  You can believe they weren’t disturbed any more than necessary!

Hysteria in the Night

man and womanMother awoke to the chilling realization that someone was trying to break in the house. “Bill! Bill! Wake up Bill! Somebody’s trying to get in!!”   Daddy didn’t normally sleep: he went into a coma, but adrenaline jolted him into action. He grabbed his loaded shotgun and crept to the window.  In the darkness, a tiny light glowed in the darkness of the front porch.  It wasn’t just Mother’s imagination!  Someone was trying to get in! Continue reading

Trunk Full of Treasure

homestead (2)

(Excerpt from my mother’s memoirs which I will be publishing soon.  This is from my mother’s childhood, during The Great Depression)  The woman in the picture is my Great Grandmother Elvira Perkins Holdaway.  She is picture in her wedding dress, photographed just a few days before her death in 1903.  She had given birth to 12 children and was survived by only 4 Continue reading

Facebook!!!! Wah Wah Wah!

discretion3-1024x765I hate the crybaby stuff people put on Facebook!  An acquaintance (not friend)put a post saying her husband wouldn’t by her beer anymore since she lost her nursing license!  I wonder why?  That’s mortifying.  Facebook should have a some of those buttons you have to push to prove you’re sober before you can post. Continue reading

Get Your Kicks Where You Can

imageA senior couple came out of a coffee shop on Memorial Day to find an officer putting a ticket on a car whose meter had expired.  Irate the man accosted him, “You Nazi Turd! Don’t you have any respect for yor elders.”  The officer coolly wrote a second ticket for worn tires.

His wife jumped in, “You dog, if you didn’t have on that uniform, you wouldn’t have the nerve to face a real man.”

The insults continued on for several minutes, with the officer writing several more tickets till a bus pulled up to the corner and the elderly couple boarded.

Cousin Barbie Gets Married

imageA few years ago Mother got the thrilling news that her cousin Cookie’s daughter was getting married. When Cookie and Mother were young, they were dear friends, but time and circumstances had come between them.   Now the wedding of a distant cousin’s daughter normally doesn’t make a widowed lady in her late seventies jump for joy, but Continue reading