When autocorrect texts have gone this wrong, they can be “wildly entertaining”. It might be a good time to get your minds out of the gutter now!
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop,someone asked,
“Where did you get that?”
The pig replied,
“I won her in a raffle!”
Did you ever travel back in time? I reached for a pair of tongs in a kitchen drawer today and found myself four years old again with my mother standing over me. She was furiously studying a pair of tongs she’d taken from a drawer. “What’s on this on these tongs?” Unwisely, she rubbed the tongs and held her fingers to her nose. “This smells like poop! Did you put my kitchen tongs in poop?”
“I used it to get cat poop out of the baby bed.” She hit the roof. I was only trying to help.
Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”
Reblogged on Nutsrok with my response
It was a day full of “S” words when Nutsrok met up with Van by the River.
Strangers on a train.
S.O.S. (That’s creamed chipped beef, but we all know its other name)
Serial killers ?
Okay, Now that Van, from Vanbytheriver has posted about our meeting last week, I have to catch you up. It was so much fun. I sent her a picture, but she swore she’d know me anywhere. I guess she didn’t think there would be that many round ladies in a blue-and-white gingham checked shirt and white knee pants with wild silver hair grinning like a possum and waving like mad on the Septa Platform. Believe it or not, it turns out she was right. I knew her the minute I saw her! She had a smile a mile wide, probably because she was anticipating a serial killer and pleased I didn’t look the part, so if you’re looking for a convincing serial killer disguise, try mine. Turns out, my daughter had warned me that Van might be a serial killer, till I reminded her I’d set up the meeting. Wouldn’t it have been an amazing coincidence if we had both been serial killers stalking each other instead of WordPress bloggers meeting up for the first time? What a premise for a story!
We laughed and swapped stories like we’d grown up together. I feel like she’s my sister, now. We tried on hats in a consignment shop. Van looked adorable in the cute little paper hat with a flower. I looked like a crazed Southern Belle in my white veiled wedding hat. All I needed was a mint julep to complete the picture. You’ve probably already wondered what in the world in was doing in that hat in my Ask Auntie Linda pictures. Well that explains it. I did end up getting a complete set of Roger’s Silver Plate for eight in a lovely case for $42. I just love vintage stuff. I had more fun than I’ve had in such a long time. I wish I could meet all my WordPress friends. If you ever want a meetup, let me know. If you haven’t read Van’s article, please check link above. She is not a serial killer, as far as I know.
Reblog from 10 Years a Single Mom
One out of every 5 adults in the United States is Incarcerated.
Approximately 74% of those are Black or Hispanic.
Mandatory sentences MUST be abolished.
Mass incarceration is institutionalized racism and an unacceptable violation of the civil rights of minorities in the United States.
The United States as less than 5% of the world’s population yet, houses 25% of the world’s prison population.
Many are imprisoned on non-violent offences.
We must end the drug war that is unfairly targeting minorities and those in poverty.
This hurts minorities and those affected by poverty.
This hurts families and children.
We cannot remain silent.
This has to stop.