Joke of the day

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An eighty-nine year old couple was greeted by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.  They had only lived so long because of the wife’s insistence on exercise and healthy diet.  The instant they entered Heaven, the years fell away returning them to their full youth and vitality.  The first thing St. Peter showed them was an endless row of mansions.  “Choose any estate you like.  Size or furnishings are no object.  We just want you to be happy.”

“How much will this cost?” asked the man

“No cost.  You’re in Heaven now!”

They walked out back to an unbelievable golf corse,  “Play all you like.  No green’s fees,  no tee times, and the course changes every time you play.  You’ll never be bored. No charge.  This is heaven.”

Next St, Peter showed them into a sumptuous dining room.  “You’ll never have to think about what you eat again.  Just think of what you, want, it appears.  No clean up, no charge, no calories or fat to consider.  Remember, you’re in Heaven now!”

With that, the outraged husband turns to his beautiful young wife, “Well, you danged fool!  If it hadn’t been for you, I could’ve been here ten years ago!”

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

parents wedding pic

The first thing I wanted to be was not to be a girl, based on the difference in the lives I saw my parents lead.  This was long before I’d learned about penises, so it wasn’t penis envy.  That came later. Quite early on, I noticed Daddy had an enviable life, can Ming and going as he pleased.  Mother knocked herself out to do things just the way he wanted.  Should she guess wrong, she apologized and tried to make it up to him,, though that wasn’t easy.  Daddy hunted, fished, rode horses, and did whatever he wanted to with his friends, coming home when he was ready. Daddy was always able to come up the money for horses, hunting dogs, hunting gear, and find the time to enjoy them.  My brother and I loved tagging along with him since something exciting was always going on.  He lived a great life which I totally admired.

Meanwhile, Mother cooked, cleaned, did total child care, of course, juggled the bills to keep food on the table and the lights on, made all our clothes, and took care of the garden, canning and freezing the produce.  Mother never had to worry about leisure activities, since she had no leisure.  Everytime she sat down, she went to sleep.  I didn’t want anything to do with that situation.

Our social life revolved Daddy’s family.  We spent holidays and weekends together.  We saw Mother’s family once or twice a year, since they lived a couple of hundred miles away.l

When I was a kid, I had no intention of marrying to recreate the life of servitude my mother led.  I thank God I didn’t.

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