Snips, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails!

Have a boy or know one?  Useful information!

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCR’s do not eject “PB &J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children – this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control

50 thoughts on “Snips, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails!

  1. Ahh! boys – they are the best!!! So creative in their destructive plots to age their parents!!!!! Mentos and diet coke, presents of poop, Air Soft pellets that proliferate in the garden beds.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Give a boy an imagination and DIY skills, a pad to write in and whole bunch of space…. You get two proud yet worn out parents and me!!
    Two siblings in the mix and its one fun slice of family life

    Epic post, and thank god we never had a water bed and a ceiling fan!


    • I would just love to write a lot more about my son, but I am not sure the statute of limitations has run out yet. One of his friends slipped up and said he set Red River on fire, but he still feigns amnesia on that one. He also came out in his tighty whities when we had company once with a giant clump of Play-Doh poked in the butt where it looked like he’d crapped his pants, but he was only ten, so that wasn’t the most shocking thing he ever did. He and three of his friends all got together and wrote papers about suicide, so all us parents were sitting in the office. They did almost die, seriously. He hung a little kid on the ceiling fan in his bedroom to give him a ride. It was consensual and the kid wasn’t hurt, but the ceiling got a full redo. I could go on forever. The worst is, he doesn’t plan to have kids. Who will pay him back? The only things he didn’t do are the things he didn’t think of.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ours were pretty tame by comparison. The oldest girl snuck out the window after we went to bed–to party and do God knows what. The other two went to the show (so, they said) in mom’s new car. Called later to claim the car had broken down. A , not so clever, ruse to stay out all night and meet up with some boys. The middle girl, later married the same boy she met up with that night. Later the “mother’s curse” caught up with her, when he turned out to be a complete ass. She wised up and divorced him, after having two sons by him. They turned out reasonably well.

        Liked by 1 person

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