Joke of the Day

The Old Monk
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand.

He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what’s wrong.

The old monk sobs, “The word is celebrate.”

Ask Auntie Linda, July 28, 2015

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda,

I was coming home from a fun outing with my lovely new friend from down there Louisiana way, minding my own business, enjoying my new paper hat with embroidered flowers. Being a little weary of traffic, I decided to stop for a quick break at Mickey D’s.

It was a beautiful, sunshiny day. My mood was as happy as my bright yellow shirt and I was all hopped up on a Starbuck’s iced mocha latte, so I headed off to the restroom, came out and stretched my legs on an outdoor bench in the shade.

As I stood up and reached around to stretch my hands behind my back, I felt a sharp, needle-like pain go up my left arm. Oh, Lord, please don’t let this be a heart attack or something serious like that!  I was still about 45 minutes from home, with a cooler full of fresh beef in my trunk. (I’d been shopping at my family’s old time Amish meat market).

I got back in my car, and called my little brother, who works very nearby. Call went straight to voicemail. I was getting worried, when I noticed a little bit of swelling around my wrist, and the skin was turning red, starting to itch.

I’d been bitten, no doubt by an insect from those lovely landscaping shrubs behind me at the Mickey D’s. That was a relief. 

Now here’s the problem. I don’t know how to treat the bite, since I didn’t see the flying culprit. It is still swollen, itches like nobody’s business, and the redness spread overnight to the back of the wrist. There are a few entry points; it looks like something poked into me at 4 different spots, one large one and 3 smaller ones, so it might not have been a bee? 

Any suggestions?

 I tried a baking soda paste, apple cider vinegar and ice packed it for a bit. 

Signed, 

Still Swollen in the Suburbs 

Dear Still,  It does sound like a stinging rather than biting insect.  Sounds like you are doing everything right.  If swelling or pain get worse, or if you get bruising at site, might want to see a doctor, just in case it is a spider bite.  Ice to site and antihistamine are always good.  Sounds like an unpleasant end to a great day.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My marriage just broke up.  I walked out with nothing.  How do I get started over when I have no job, no car, and have to live with my parents?  I feel so hopeless?  Feel like such a loser.

Dear Feel, Lots of people have been where you are.  Start at the local employment office.  Take whatever you can find, even if it doesn’t pay well.  Some money is better than none.  It’s easier to find a job if you have one.  Make sure you save back a few dollars each payday, no matter what.  You’ll need it when you move out.  Check on educational programs and job training.  You may qualify for loans, grants, scholarships or tuition assistance.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Good luck!  Auntie Linda

Vagina, Boobs, and Poop (Part 12)

Reblog #12 of 12 Part Series

Nutsrok

surpriseThis post has nothing to do with Vagina, Boobs, and Poop.  I am doing a post on crazy things my mother has said and done and wanted to see if this garnered interest.  Mother is sensitive about her age and height, so I can’t mention the fact that she is past eighty, and “not tall,” but besides that, has said and done some interesting things.   (Links to part 1-11 below)

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