Dear Auntie Linda, August 3, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My grandmother died recently.  She left her entire estate, the farm my father grew up on, to my brother.My sister and I were also very close to her. The monetary value wasn’t great.  It was just painful not to be acknowledged at all.  Why do you think she would have done this? Hurt Feelings

Dear Hurt, She may be from that old school of that feels everything goes to the eldest male heir to keep the estate intact or she may be submitting to someone else’s wishes.  I know it would be painful.  I am sorry your feelings are hurt, but her estate is hers to handle as ske wishes.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have a new baby.  My lovely mother-in-law has offered to babysit in her home next door, but we don’t feel safe accepting her offer since she is such a casual housekeeper.  She often has things scattered on the floor and spoiled spoiled food in the fridge,, for example.  Would it be insulting to ask us to keep the baby at our home?  Worried Mama

Dear Worried, Mother-in-law is likely to bring her casual habits with her.  Professional day care might be a good idea.  Auntie Linda

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Tasteless Dog Joke

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”

“Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”

“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the world kind of dog do you have?”

“Sir,” answered the little man, “it’s a little four week old female puppy.”

“Bull!” roared the biker, “how could your puppy kill my Doberman?”

“It appears that your dog choked on her, sir.”

Do These Things Happen to Anyone Else?

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Mother makes use of my cozy guest room frequently  Last night she awoke me complaining the bed was crawling with ants.  Sure enough, she had half-a-dozen bites.  We shook out her nightgown, treated her bites, made her a new bed down on the sofa in the living room, but I felt just terrible about it.  I’ve always made a point to keep the room just to her tastes, freshly aired and dusted, with nice linens, and a handmade quilt.  Having her jarred from sleep by ant bites was horrible.  When I got her settled, I turned the covers back and found dozens of big and small black ants, moving in trails across the expanse of the covers.  I sprayed the bed and floor with insect killer before I went back to bed.

This morning when I went in to strip the bed, I found the source of the problem.  When I opened the door late yesterday to ready Mother’s bed, Buzzy, my American Eskimo Dog came along to help.  He frequently hides treats.  Delighted to find new territory, he retrieved an old piece of cornbread he’d apparently just dug up from its hiding place in the yard.  Unbeknownst to us, he slipped it up under the pillow in preparation for Mother’s visit.  It attracted ants beautifully.  The bed was fully loaded for Mother.

Joke of the Day

A newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked if they were okay.

“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love,” came the reply.

The old man responded, “I thought so. Would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window? They’re choking my ducks!”