Evening Chuckle

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
“Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!” Says the man.
“Oh, well there’s this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want.”
Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie.
“You grant wishes right?”
“Yes.” replies the genie.
“Hmm, I’d like a million bucks.”
Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar.
“Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!”
His friends sitting at the table replies,
“Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?”

Library Magic

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The world opened up to me on my first visit to the library the summer before I turned four.  My sister had just finished first grade.  Mother took her to enroll her in the summer reading program, bland enough sounding, as we pulled up to a white clapboard building jus next to Davis’s Barber Shop.  I knew Sandra Davis was in first-grade with my sister, so that was important.  The small library was divided into an adult and children’s room and lined floor to ceiling with shelves.  The picture books were on low shelves under the huge windows of the front room.  I stood there staring, till a tiny, white-haired lady came out from behind a desk, pointed to the shelves and told me, “Choose anything you like.”

I’d never seen such wealth.  We had books at home, but nothing like this bounty.  I’d never thought the world might hold such wealth.  I dropped to the floor and pulled one out.  Seeing little girls at a tea-party, I hastily slid it back in its place, looking for something more attractive.  I rejected a valentine book, a kitty, and an A B C book, I had just settled on a cowboy book when Mother said we needed to go.

“I didn’t get to read my book yet!”  I wailed.

“We can read it when you get home.  Don’t you want some more? You can get three,” she finished.

I’d never been offered more of anything this good.  I was stunned.  “That ol’ woman is gonna’ give me three?”

Mother tried to cover  my “that ol’ woman outburst” the best she could.  She grabbed the te apart, the valentine book, while I handed over my cowboy book.  Miss Temple stamped the little date sticker in the the books, had Mother sign the cards, and we were on our way.  As soon as we got to the car Mother hissed. “”Don’t ever call somebody an old lady again. Or I’ll tear you up.”

“Why doesn’t she know?” I asked.

“Well, if she doesn’t, it’s not your place to tell her.”  She was mad.

As soon as we got home,  Mother read me Rory and Rocky the Cow Pony.  After a couple of readings, I had it memorized.  I had to take back in two weeks, but checked Rory and Rocky out all summer.  I never did read the tea party or valentine books.

Dear Auntie Linda, August 11, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My parent are in their seventies.  I am their only child.  They are more than comfortable.  My husband and I have two children.  We’d like to move into a better school district but would really struggle to make the payments.  I’ve asked my parents but they don’t want to loan us the money for a down payment.  I am hurt, since I am their only child and heir.  Is this selfish of me?  Only Child

Dear Only, Without knowing the whole story, it’s hard to say.  Your parents may have every penny tied up.  Maybe, like me, they don’t loan what they can’t afford to gift.  A loan, not repaid, creates hard feelings.  It’s always better not to go in too deep.  Your parent’s money, however much or little it is, is theirs to do with as they please, not something you are entitled to.  They may live long enough to need every cent. Best to spend only what you can afford, not rely on anticipated money.   Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband drives me crazy picking his toenails.  He knows this  but doesn’t stop.  What do I do?  Whacked out.

Dear Whacked, There’s nothing you can do except walk out of the room or try to ignore. Does it bother him that you hate it.  He could avoid being barefoot when relaxing. Hope he doesn’t start picking yours!  Aunt Linda.

Dear Auntie Linda, I called my mom to tell her my new boyfriend and I were dropping by in a few minutes for coffee.  When we got there, she was stomping around out in the backyard in knee-high black-rubber boots, green plaid knee-pants, and an orange polka dot top with the sleeves cut out chopping on a snake with a machete.  Why would she do this when she knew I was coming over?  Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed, When a snake’s got to be chopped, it’s got to be chopped.  They don’t wait around for introductions.  How did it work out with the boyfriend?  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.
Rob’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
“Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘guess who’?”
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, “now, you can do what ever you want.”
So here I am.