Message to Husband

A wife sending a short message to her husband:
It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I’m worried about you!. Please, give me a ring…

Evening Chuckle

Sam called his wife and said to her in a weak voice, “Hey baby, I was driving to a coffee shop to meet Mary when all of a sudden, a stray dog came in the way. I tried to steer left to avoid running it down, but the car skidded due to high speed, rolled over and almost ran off the cliff. The car was hanging nose down over the cliff, as I looked down fearing impending death. I just managed to climb out of the car and save my life, just before the car fell over the cliff crashing thousands of feet below and was blown into smithereens.”

Sam continued, “I was taken to a hospital. I have a broken leg, broken jaw, dislocated shoulder and several injuries on my head.”

There was silence on the phone, then the wife asked, “Who is Mary?”

Cousin Wayne Saves the Day (Part 2 of Robert Gordon, Wayne, Robbing Nanny, and Look Out Pope)

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https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/08/17/robert-gordon-wayne-robbing-nanny-and-look-out-pope/

I wrote of my my mother, Kathleen’s laundry list against her cousin’s Robert Gordon and Wayne Perkins just the other day, mentioning her intention to tell Robert Gordon what a hellion should she ever met him again, even if he were Pope.  It’s fortunate she never had that little conversation with his partner-in-crime, Wayne, since she found herself in need of his friendship one day early in her marriage.

Daddy was a busy man who had priorities.  These included good times with his brothers and brothers-in-law and manly business.  That being said, we spent endless weekends with his family, careening out our drive on Fridays after and not often not getting back till late on Sunday night, despite the fact that there were young children to be bathed, homework to be done, and the week ahead to be prepared for.  That was woman’s business.  Fortunately, he was not a woman.

At any rate, at the close of school every year, Mother would break the news that yet again, she was going to visit her parents this summer.  They’d fight a while till they’d reach an impasse.

Outraged, he’d insist she wasn’t going.  She’d go on making her plans.  Finally he threw out a challenge, “Well, If you go, you’re not coming back.”

She went on with her packing. “We have to be at the train by two.”

Defeated, he asked.  “When will you be back?”

“Pick me up two weeks from today.  I’ll travel through the night so I won’t have to wrestle with the baby so much.”

Two weeks later, when we got off the train, Daddy wasn’t there.  Mother was disgusted, but not too surprised.  He was always late.  At nine, she called Aunt Julie who told her Daddy and Uncle Parnell had just left there to see a man about a dog, but had mentioned he was supposed to pick her up.  He was just going to be a couple of hours late.  Of course, Mother was furious, but had no choice but to wait.  She called Aunt Julie back later, who hadn’t seen the men.  By eleven she had thirty cents left, we were starving, and the baby was guzzling the last bottle.  Mother wracked her brain till she remembered her Cousin Wayne lived nearby.  She looked his number up and called.  Miraculously, he and his wife were  home.  Upon hearing her plight, he picked us up at the train, took us home for lunch, fixed the baby up with a bottle and a nap, and let Mother use the phone to tell Aunt Julie she’d found a ride, after all.  It was mid-afternoon by now.  Daddy still hadn’t gotten back from seeing about that dog.  Cousin Wayne kindly took us home.  Daddy was delighted to see us when he finally came in with his new hunting dog and not surprised at all that Mother had somehow gotten a ride home from the train station.  What a guy!  I don’t know why she never killed him.

Dear Auntie Linda, August 22, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My mother is eighty-five years old.  She lives very close to me.  Her mind is sharp, but she is a hoarder, smokes, and wastes money on Bingo.  She can barely make it on her Social Security Check and my father’s pension. I feel bad for the neighbors.  They know I keep trying to help her clean her house up, but she won’t let me.  She gets meals from meals on wheels and the containers stack up if I don’t go in and get them out.  I know she would have rats otherwise. I have also tried get her quit smoking and get wasting money on Bingo.  Even when she wins, she gives it right back the next week.  She just gets mad at me. I would love to be able to enjoy a cup of coffee or a meal at Mother’s table like I used to. Also, don’t be so sure her mind is so sharp. Sounds like she’s slipping.  Trying to help

Dear Trying.  Though it is difficult to put up with, your mother is eighty-five and not going to change her habits.  Unless her hoarding is putting her life in danger, there is nothing you can do.  If it flows over to the outside of the house, the neighbors will probably report it and the city will get involved.  Don’t even bother with the smoking and Bingo. How hard this must be for you.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am fifty-six years old.  I am a college graduate, but foolishly never pursued a career after my marriage.  I worked part-time when we first married, but my husband could support us, so I looked for a while, then got comfortable not working.  My husband lost his job in his early fifties.  We went through his retirement pretty quickly.  Now he is sixty-six, on dialysis, has a terminal brain tumor, and is going into a nursing home next week. He is only expected to live for weeks.   I don’t know what I will do.  It has been downhill financially for us for years.  Our house is decrepit.  We have no income except for his social security  which will go with him when he goes to the nursing home.  Our house will be seized for taxes after January 1.  I have no income, no family, and soon will soon have no home.  I don’t even have decent clothes to look for a job.  Where do I turn?  Terrified

Dear Terrified,  This is indeed an awful situation.  You do some skills.  This is a well-organized letter. Though your degree may not be recent or in a field that will get you a job, it does show you can learn. If you don’t have clothes, get to Salvation Army, a local church, or women’s shelter to discuss your dilemma.  Lots of places help with job placement and help people get a leg up looking for a job.  Your local job service can help with placement.  If needed, you might find a live-in job such as an apartment manager, nanny, care-giver, or home-maker.  A live-in nanny who would home-school and travel with a family would be an excellent job.  Good luck.  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

Bubba and Boudreau ( I am from Louisiana.  I can say this) Two young men from Louisiana were looking at a Sears catalog, admiring the models. Bubba says to  Boudreau ‘Have you seen the purty gals in this here catalog?’ Boudreau replies, ‘Yeah, they are purty as a speckled pup. And look at the price!’ Bubba says, with wide eyes, ‘Dang, they right cheap! At this price, I’m ‘on git me one.’ Boudreau grins and slaps him on the back. ‘Good idea! Order one and if she looks likes she does in ‘at catalog, I’m ‘on git me one, too.’ Three weeks later, Bubba asks Boudreau, ‘Did’ja ever git dat gal frum da Sears catalog?’ Boudreau replies, ‘Naw, but it ain’t gone be long now.  Her clothes come yesterday!’

How do you get a sweet little old lady to say the F-word? Get another sweet little old lady to yell “Bingo!”

A Little a Request

Reblogged Please checked this out, you will love Ritu,

But I Smile Anyway...


Hi there Peeps!

Hope you are gearing up for a great weekend!

I have a little request, just wanna see if something can be done….

It’s my biggie birthday (40! Eeeeek!) soon, in a couple of weeks, and I was thinking to myself how great a present it would be to hit 1000 followers on WP by then… (I’m a couple away from 900 at the moment…)

This is where you, my lovely Peeps, come in.

Could you share/re blog this post, and see how many new followers I can get, and see whether I can hit that target?

(But only if you wanna!)

Foor those contemplating hitting that ‘Follow’ button, let me tell you a bit about me… I’m a mum, wife, daughter, teacher…. Heck I’m a woman!

My mission in life is to keep smiling, and to hopefully bring smiles to your life too.

I like to post…

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