Joke of the Day

A young boy wandered away from his grandfather at the mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The cop asked, “What’s he like?”

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

“Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

 

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with circleflies there, are ya?” The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said “Well, yeah, if that’s what they are, I never heard of circle flies”. So the farmer says- “Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.” The trooper says, “Oh,” and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, ” Hey—wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse’s ass?” The farmer says, “Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse’s ass.” The Trooper says, “Well, that’s a good thing,” and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, Hard to fool them flies though.”

Auntie Linda Reaches Out To Anna Duggar

Auntie LindaimageI wish I had had the opportunity to¬†reach out¬†to Anna Duggar and young women like her¬†before they are sadly misguided by their parents, churches and future in-laws into oppressive, early marriages rather than being encouraged to develop as fully functioning members of society.¬† Anna’s parents¬†additionally betrayed her by sanctioning¬†her marriage to a man they knew had already molested his sisters and others.¬† They should have told her to run, not walk!¬† It is an outrage to deprive women of education and opportunities in the name of Godliness. Women who are already in this situation will surely need help and support to make a life outside their church and family. Though Josh Duggar has¬†admitted to being addicted to pornography and having committing adultery, and well as child molestation, Anna¬†has to be facing¬†tremendous¬†from her¬†parents, in-laws, church and friends to “stand by her man”¬†where her role is to¬†assume a portion the guilt of a straying spouse, supporting him in his weakness. ¬†If only she’d been more supportive, listened better, been a better lover……… ¬†Likely, Anna feels she has no skills, despite her years of mothering ang managing a home, feeling she can’t support the children alone.¬†¬†I challenge Anna to look at the children she brought into the world;¬†children she is responsible to protect¬†at all costs.¬† They deserve a life free of perversion and shame.¬† Should¬†Anna decide to bravely make the decision to protect her children, she can change things for children at risk for abuse everywhere.

Pictorial Family History

parents wedding picBill and Kathleen Swain’s wedding photo, June 29, 1945. ¬†Pic Pic revisedRoscoe and Lizzie Holdaway early marriage.Mary Elizabeth Perkins and Roscoe Gordon Holdaway Wedding PictuR G Holdaway Family with Johnny Bell early 1930'sMy maternal grandparents, Roscoe and Mary Elizabeth ¬†Holdaway with their children, then elderly.family6Maw, Eddie, and Kids ¬†Pictured above, paternal grandparents Eddie and Mettie Swain and their young family. ¬†Next several of their childre, then finally, Mettie, much later in life.

family3Maw Maw by Car

Dear Auntie Linda, August 25, 2015

Auntie LindaWarning Sexual Abuse Trigger!!!

Dear Auntie Linda, I am in my seventies now and grew up in a large extended family. ¬†Not surprisingly, Mothers in our family whispered for their daughters to stay away from Uncle Joe, ¬†but nothing was ever done about it. ¬†Once ¬†Great-Uncle Henry invited me and my cousin to spend the weekend. ¬†I don’t Continue reading

The Top 10 Reasons Trick or Treating is Better than Sex

Top 10 Reasons Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex:

10) You are guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It’s ok when the person you’re with fantasizes that you’re someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

4)If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning & groaning.

2) A lot less “morning after” guilt.

YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

Fifty Dollars Worth of Camper

th3EKZ50VW bus 2See this great old school bus.¬† It is so much nicer than the one Daddy acquired for the unbelievable sum of fifty dollars. He purchased it from his brother-in-law, who’d gotten stuck with it as payment body work.¬† Daddy was ahead of his time In acquiring this Tiny House.¬† Mother was furious.¬†¬†Fifty dollars¬†would have¬†bought more than two week’s supply of groceries.¬†¬†Though he gave Mother no end of grief about¬†her extravagant spending at the grocery store, he wasn’t short-sighted and saw the great potential in this bus-camper.¬† It would be a wonderful shelter when he and his buddies went deer hunting, and oh yes, the family could use it for camping, too!¬† Now our camper wasn’t nearly so nice as the one pictured above.¬† It had been partially hand-painted bright silver and lacked a motor. The good news was, we could finish it up any color we liked and motors take up a lot of unnecessary space better used for storage.¬† In that special storage area, items¬†were stored in boxes on one deep shelf or in¬† boxes on the floor beneath the shelf.¬† While the rest of us were out fishing, swimming, or just running wild in general, Mother drug boxes out and dug through them for dishes, pots and pans, and food, all this with two babies in diapers.¬† She complained about her back constantly.¬† What a whiner!

.nice inside

See how comfortable and¬†well-appointed the camper pictured above is.¬† Ours was nothing like this.¬† There was no refrigerator, lighting, water, bathroom, hard-wood floors, or Benjamin Franklin wood burning stove.¬† There was, however, an ancient gas range Daddy hooked to a propane bottle.¬† It had two functioning burners and a defunct oven.¬† That was okay, since Mother insisted it had a propane leak and she was scared to use it longer than it took to heat a can of beans or cook eggs.¬† She cooked with all the windows¬†open and made Daddy cut the fuel off every time she got through.¬† In fact, it did have a propane leak in the line, but that’s a story for another day.

Two full-size bunk beds filled the rear of the camper.  Two sets of old army bunks were stacked along either side.  Of course, we fought over the top bunks.  The lower bunks served as seating.  A lantern and flash lights served when light was needed.

It was perfect.  I remember one wonderful camping trip when Daddy pulled it to a creek bank.  We swam, fished, swatted mosquitoes, cooked outdoors, only going in to sleep, so exhausted we hardly moved till morning.  Mother got up several times every night to spray to camper with bug killer and spray the covers and any exposed skin with mosquito repellent.  We scratched bug bites and poison ivy for days after we got home.

That was our only family camping trip.¬† Daddy used it a time or two for hunting, then gave it up as too much trouble.¬† It had a couple of other incarnations as a home for a farm laborer who confirmed the stove fuel line leak before it descended so far down the social scale it ended life as a junk shed on Daddy’s farm.

To me, that camper was worth every cent!