A recent study on crow intelligence was released recently observing crows at an intersection. There was a distinct pattern in which they took paint samples from crows that had been run over and matched to vehicle types. It was observed that nearly all the paint samples had come from trucks, not passenger cars. The scientists researching the incident explained it as the crows had established look out birds so that they could alternate feeding on trash and road-kill, while the others looked for danger. The lookouts, while able to produce vocalizations for “cawr, cawr, cawr”, found “truck, truck, truck” much more difficult.
I got my daughter a Dalmatian for her thirteenth birthday. I do believe that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. For about a day and a half, Annie was sweet. As soon as she got her bearings, she became a hyperactive, maniacal buzz saw, plundering and eviscerating everything in her path from shoes to the rag top on my husband’s MG, but that’s a story for another post.
At eighteen months, Annie’s hormones kicked in. Overnight, she was transformed into a nasty-tempered, sullen,farting, bitch, such a blessed relief. One day she was sitting between Bud and Mother farting up a storm. Bud and Mother each kept looking accusingly at the other, thinking surely they would eventually do the decent thing and excuse themselves.
Deciding to take her show on the road one morning, Annie decided the best thing for her to do was to tunnel under our neighbor’s back fence to pay him a call. Brian wasn’t in the yard, so she trotted into the house looking for him. He was deep in thought, sitting on the toilet, enjoying some quality time. Inspired by his wise example, Annie squatted and produced a fine example of her own. Though I didn’t see the actual event, I did get to hear about it in great detail.My daughter once had a fat, farting, sullen Dalmatian named Annie who liked only two things in this world. The kid across the street named Greg and anything with wheels: riding mower, wagon, wheel barrow, cars…..We’d often look out and see Annie sitting on the seat of the riding mower. I do believe if we’d left the keys in she would have cranked it. She’d even try to sit perched ridiculously on top of the push mower. If we left a car door open, she’d go flying in, hopping in the driver’s seat, perched behind the wheel. When she did make a car trip, we had to restrain her to keep her in the back.
Annie and the MG
My husband bought a red MG Midget with a rag top. Can you guess where this is headed? Annie fell in love with it, thinking it was just her size. It was in really good condition, except for a dime-sized snag in the rag top just over the driver’s seat. Bud normally parked it in the garage, but he carelessly left it in the drive one night. When he came out the next morning, Annie was sitting in the driver’s seat, staring straight ahead. She wouldn’t look to the right or the left. She had wanted to get in that car so badly, she’d climbed on top and fallen through the ragtop. I heard him shrieking and wondered what catastrophe had taken place. He tore the door open trying to get at her. She ripped by him, making a beeline for the protection of her fiberglass igloo doghouse that she had never even stuck a toe in before that day. Bud kicked at her(I hope the statute of limitations has run out on cruelty to animals)but she made it in before he connected. He got a huge bruise on his shin from kicking the doghouse. She never did get to drive.
Dear Auntie Linda, My husband was raised in a miserable situation and has struggled to pull himself up by his bootstraps, with my help, I might add. The problem lies with the fact the periodically, he feels the need to drag people in from his earlier life as a DIY project. Before you start to praise him, please be aware, he does this at the expense of his own family, possibly endangering them in the process. It maddens me to see him spend money on him when his children need shoes. Should he meet a pathetic character from years ago on the street, it often occurs to him he can invest in this person and salvage them. I am all for helping people, but not for bringing people from the streets into my home, with my small children. He acts like he gets on a high when he is with these people, not like with drugs, but demonstrating he has it made and is going to show them the way. I believe he gets off on looking like a big shot to people he sees as losers. He is not all compassion, though. He is contemptuous and quick to laugh at their flaws when they are not around. What is his problem. Charity begins at home.
Dear Charity, I won’t disabuse your assessment of the situation. Sounds like going slumming builds up his ego and makes him feel like a big shot. What a Sweetheart. I wouldn’t expect him to change. You’ll just have to decide if you feel like living with this. Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, My sister-in-law is a nurse and did the most disgusting thing when she was washing dishes. Her kid came by with a snotty nose. She wiped the kid’s nose with a dishrag and just kept right on washing dishes. Disgusted.
Dear Disgusted. Don’t know that I’d be eating there again. That’s disgusting. When she comes to your house, I believe I’d use disposable and tell her she didn’t need to bring anything. Auntie Linda
Watch out for Storyshucker on the radio!
I may be more comfortable writing than talking but talking I will do… this Friday, August 28th at 1:30 p.m. EDT when I join Annette Rochelle Aben as her guest on Tell Me a Story, a presentation of The Magic Happens Radio Network!
We’ll likely discuss a little about my blog and a story of mine included in the latest Chicken Soup for the Soul: Volunteering and Giving Back, then move on to something less interesting…me.
Below is the description provided for Friday’s show along necessary links to join in on the fun.
I hope you’ll log in and listen!
Stuart M. Perkins
Storyshucker Stu Perkins on Tell Me a Story – no need to pinch yourself, it is actually happening Friday, August 28th. We have tried a couple of times but the 3rd time has indeed been the charm for us here at The Magic Happens Radio Network…
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Reblogged on Nutsrok
Writers have found an analogy in the humble bulb that can lead to many kinds of tears. Onions are layered and like life, you have peel back one at a time. Some are prepared and others just go with the crying.
Onions prompted a bumper crop of stories this week. The following are based on the August 19, 2015 prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story that includes onions.
Change Knives, Change Your World by Paula Moyer
How could it be that simple?
All her life, Jean shed tears while chopping onions worse than anyone in the world. That’s how she felt. The burning, the stinging.
“Hon, could you double the onions next time?”…
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A thief went into a lingerie shop and stole hundreds of bras. Patrons were left hanging…
A Baptist Minister and a Unitarian minister were flying to a convention together. The Unitarian was very nervous and confided to the Baptist that this was the first time he had ever flown and was very scared. The Baptist said that there was nothing to it, just sit next to me and I will help you. The Baptist showed him how to put on his sit belt and adjust the air vents. Once in the air, the very pretty flight attendant came by with a tray of drinks. Cocktails?, She asked. The Unitarian lifted one off the tray and said Thank You. The Baptist had just delivered a fiery sermon on the evils of alcohol that morning. He looked at the flight attendant and said, “Young lady, I would rather commit fornication than touch alcohol to my lips. Shocked, the Unitarian placed his drink back on the tray and said, “I believe I would too, I didn’t know we had that choice.”