Evening Chuckle

Following the death of Quasimodo, the Bishop of the Cathedral Church of Notre Dame sent word throughout the streets of Paris that a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post. The Bishop declared,

” My Son, you have no arms!”

” No matter” replied the man.

He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody on the carillon. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had indeed found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, stunned rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beauty of the music they had heard a moment before. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one in the crowd asked

” Bishop, who was this man?”

..wait for it…

wait for it…..

..” I don’t know his name” replied the Bishop sadly,

” But his face rings a bell.”

WAIT, WAIT! not through yet!

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart, the Bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer. The first man to approach addressed him, “Your Grace, I am the brother of the poor armless man who fell to his death from this belfry yesterday. I pray that you will allow me to replace my brother.” The Bishop agreed to an audition, but as the man reached to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, collapsed, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the cries of grief from the Bishop at the tragedy, rushed up the stairs……

“What has happened? Who is this man? ” they cried.

” I don’t know his name” exclaimed the distraught Bishop,………

wait for it…….

wait for it…….

wait for it ………

” I don’t know his name…………but he’s a dead ringer for his brother.”

Joke of the Day

A man at the bar picked up a ringing cell phone.  “Honey, I want to put an offer on that house.  They’ve just reduced it to $600,000 and I think we can get it if we make an offer now.”

He answered. “Sure, go ahead.”

“And that Range Rover I’ve been wanting?”

“It’s yours.  Call the man!  And while you’re out, stop by the jewelry store and get yourself something really nice.  How about that bracelet you’ve been wanting?”

“Oh Honey!  You’re the best!”

He hung up the phone and turned around.  “Does anybody know whose phone this is?”

Dear Auntie Linda, August 31, 2015

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda,  My fifteen year old daughter is just darling.   In fact, it pains me to see, she looks better than I do in my clothes  I have always been the cutest and most petite girl in our circle of friends.  I hate to admit it, but I am jealous of my own daughter.  When I see the attention she gets, I snap at her and make snide remarks.  I am ashamed to say, I have even flirted with her boyfriends.  I hate myself for this.  How do I stop this?  Sweet Thing

Dear Sweet Thing, Make a point to dress like a mother, not a teenager.  When your daughter has friends over, don’t hang around and entertain them.  Just meet them and be available.  Resist the temptation to compete.  You will do irreparable damage and humiliate your daughter and yourself if you throw yourself at her friends. Frankly, though you may think you look fifteen, assuredly, you do not.  Act your age, not your libido.  It would be very easy to let your hormones get the best of you and wreck your life.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I live in the Northeast.  My neighbors have two dachshunds they keep in the backyard all year round.  The dogs bark incessantly, not to mention, they have to contend with deep snow in winter, though there is a small doghouse. This seems cruel.  I am tired of the noise and feel bad for the poor dogs.  What can be done?  Doggone Tired

Dear Doggoned Tired,  Does your town have a noise ordinance?  Try calling the police or the ASPCA.  I assume you have spoken to the neighbors about your concerns.  Auntie Linda.