Rules for a Happy Marriage

Once X asked Y, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

Y said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

X asked, “Can you explain?”

Y said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, X asked Y “Give me some examples”

Y said, “Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”

X asked, “Then what is your role?”

Y said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these”.

Dear Auntie Linda, September 10, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My husband is always late.  Most of the time he won’t even start to get ready until about fifteen minutes before we are due to leave.  We are always at least thirty minutes late leaving the house.  By that time, he is mad, blaming me for his lateness, then drives like a maniac trying to make up lost time.  We haven’t gotten any place on time in years.  We are always late for church, meetings, dinners with friends, weddings, funerals, trooping in long after everyone else.  I have tried setting the clocks ahead, reminding him what time we are due, and even changing the time we are due, hoping to get ahead of him.  I always have to wait, while he dresses and throws a fit.  I could deal with always being late if I didn’t have to put up with his fit-throwing and crazy driving.  I am afraid he will kill us one day.  It’s not like I can always drive myself.  We live in a rural area and I have night-blindness.  What can I do?  Punctual Paula

Dear Punctual,  People who are chronically late are disrespectful and self-centered, feeling their time is more important than anyone else’s.  From the behavior you are describing, your husband has no reason to change.  He apparently has no problem being late, especially since he has you to blame.  I suggest you refuse to go if he isn’t ready on time.  He will probably throw a fit, which it sounds like he is doing anyway.  You can’t change him.  All you can do is change your response.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I just got engaged to Jenny, a beautiful girl from a small town about twenty miles from where I live. It was love at first sight.  I’ve never fallen for anybody that way.  A few weeks ago, she found out she was pregnant.  We were delighted since we planning to get married, anyway.    I brought her home to meet my family.  As soon as my dad talked to Jenny about her family and life, he called me outside.  It turns out, Jenny is his older brother’s daughter.  (They don’t have the same last name, so Jenny’s mother never connected it.)  Jenny’s mother married another man, so Jenny has never said that her  parentage might be in question.  What in the world do I do?  I haven’t told Jenny or anyone else yet.  What in the world do I do?  Worse than Kissing Cousins

Dear Worse,  First of all, talk to Jenny.  She needs to know the whole story.  Just because your father thinks Jenny is his niece, doesn’t make it definite.  These things have been confused before.  DNA testing should give you some answers. It wouldn’t hurt for both of you to be tested.  Though most of us know who our mothers are, we are less sure of our fathers.  Once you know what is going on, you can seek medical and legal advice.  Hope for the best.  Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.  Auntie Linda

If you have a problem and need advice, email

Ask Auntie Linda  at lbeth1950@hotmail.com .to have it answered in this column.  You will not be identified.

That was Good

 

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In 1950, the US population was less than 150 million, yet you knew more people
then, and knew them better…
And that was good.

The average annual salary was under $3,000, yet our parents could put some
of it away for a rainy day and still live a decent life…
And that was good.

A loaf of bread cost about 15 cents and it was safe for a five year old to
skate to the store and buy one…And that was good.
1950s 1

Prime-Time meant I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriett, and Lassie. So nobody’d
ever heard of ratings or filters…And that was good.
We didn’t have air-conditioning, so the windows stayed up and half a dozen
mothers ran outside when you fell off your bike…
And that was good.

1950s 4

Your teacher was either Miss Matthews or Mr. Adkins, not  Ms. Becky or Mr. Dan.

The only hazardous material you knew about was a patch of grassburrs
around the light pole at the corner…
And that was good.

Most families needed only one job, meaning Mom was home when school
let out…
And that was good.

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You loved to climb into a fresh bed because sheets were dried on the
clothesline…
And that was good.

People generally lived in the same hometown with their relatives, so “child
care” meant grandparents or aunts and uncles…
And that was good.

Maw Maw by Car

TV was in black-and-white, but all outdoors was in glorious color…
And that was certainly good.

Your Dad knew how to adjust everybody’s carburetor, and the Dad next door
knew how to adjust all the TV knobs…
And that was very good.

Your grandma grew snap beans in the back yard and chickens behind the
garage…
And that was definitely good.

First Grade School Picture

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And just when you were about to do something really bad, chances were
you’d run into your Dad’s high school coach, or the nosy old lady from up
the street, or your little sister’s piano teacher, or somebody from church.
ALL of whom knew your parents’ phone number and YOUR first name…And that was good.
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Tale of the Hair of the Dog Sweater

Mother and BuzzyimageMy son John lives to torment my mother.  Buzzy, our American Eskimo Dog sheds incessantly, making up vacuum every day to stay ahead of him.  One day my husband Bud noticed a big paper bag on the mantle stuff full of Buzzy’s combings, hair pulled from his brush, and hair swept from the floor.  Amazed, Bud asked, “What in the world is this bag of dog hair doing up here?”

Mother chimed in, “Oh, that’s Buzzy’s hair I saved up for your sweater.”

This was the first Bud had heard of his dog hair sweater.  He thought maybe Mother had finally come unhinged.  “What dog hair sweater?”

“The one you’re going to get the woman at work to make for you out of Buzzy’s hair.”  Mother thought Bud was losing it.   “John told me to be careful to gather up all the hair I could find every time I came over so that woman you work with can spin it and make it into a sweater for you.  How long do you think it will take to get enough?”

Poor Bud had to break her heart.  “John’s been pulling your leg, again.  There ain’t gonna be no dog hair sweater.”

imageMy son, looking his best.

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Photo of hair I brushed out of Buzzy this morning, pictured next to pint jar.

Fifteen Foolproof Rules for Buying Man Gifts

Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks, ties, or bathrobes. “If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented underwear.”

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Bass Pro Shop, Harbor Freight, Home Depot, Lowes, RV Centers, and Tractor Supply Company.  NAPA Auto Parts and Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”

Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook but they will barbecue. Get him a monster grill with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”  If he already has a grill, definitely get him a turkey fryer.  Be ready to video.

Rule #12:
Tickets to a game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manilla rope. No one knows why.

Life’s Achievements

Life’s Achievements!
Most of us understand that our self worth and feelings of achievement change as we go through life. While everyone has different aspirations, it appears we all have some common benchmarks for what success is. Really it all depends on your age. Consider the following:

At age 4, success is not peeing your pants
At age 16, success is “gettin’ a little”
At age 25, success is graduation and a wedding

At age 35, success is about career and family

At age 55, success is about graduations and weddings
At age 65, success is “gettin’ a little”
At age 80, success is not peeing your pants!