Evening Chuckle

A woman went into the local bar with a goose under her arm.  The outraged bar owner came rushing over.  “Why did you bring that pig in here?” he demanded.

“You idiot!  This is a goose!” said the woman.

“I was talking to the goose,” said the bar owner.

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Dear Auntie Linda, September 15, 2015

Auntie Linda Dear Auntie Linda,. Joe and I have been married four years and have a newborn son.  We live outside a Midwest city.  Joe has been working for a chemical company and I am a stay at home mom and artist.  Our lives are good.  Uncle Jake, called last week to ask Joe to take over his 800 acre farm twenty-eight miles outside town, so he can retire.  Joe will inherit the farm upon Uncle Jake’s death.  Joe worked for Uncle Jake summers and holidays all through high school and college and has always looked forward to having the farm one day.  I know this is a wonderful opportunity, but I’ve never lived in the country and am worried about leaving my family, friends, and the comfortable life we have built. I am worried about schools and social opportunities for my son. What if we move way out in the country and I hate rural living?  City Girl

Dear City Girl, Twenty-eight miles isn’t that far.  A half-hour automobile ride gets you back to town.  Inheriting a farm sounds like a wonderful opportunity, especially since Joe knows what he is getting into.  If you give farm life a try, you may find you like it.  Since you are a stay at home mother and artist, you can work as well there as in the city. Growing up on a farm can enhance your children’s lives in many ways.  Certainly, they will have more time with parents.  A great deal of a child’s education is parental input.  There are advantages to rural life.  Life is what you make.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I got a call from my sister last week confessing that she had “borrowed” my information for a loan.  We have sequential drivers license and social security numbers since got them together on the same day.  She was able to convince a friend to accept my forged signature on an affadvit at her credit union as co-signer on a loan.  Since I am co-signer, they are coming after me for payment.  She pulled this same trick on my mother many years ago, getting my mother deep in debt.  I have no intention of paying this loan.  How do you deal with this kind of betrayal from family?  Rotten Sister

Dear Rotten, You are right not to get sucked in.  Your sister made this mess; it is hers to deal with.  Just distance yourself and don’t give her a second chance.  If you see her at family gatherings, just keep it casual.  Auntie Linda

Joke of the Day

A city boy decided to quit the rat race and bought himself a farm, which included a few sows. He wanted to breed the sows, but had no idea how to go about it. His neighbor volunteered his boars for the job, and told the city boy to bring them over in the pickup the next day. In the afternoon when he went to pick them up, the city boy asked how he would be able to tell if the sows were impregnated. He was told to look and see where they were early in the morning. If they were up on the hill, they were pregnant; if they were in the sty, it hadn’t worked. The next morning, he leapt from the bed and looked up the hill, but alas the pigs were down in the mud. Grumbling, he loaded them back into the pickup and headed for the neighbors. The following three mornings were just the same; he would leap from the bed, look up the hill, find the pigs down in the mud and have to return them to the neighbors to let the boars have another shot at them. On the fifth morning, he looked up the hill, and there were no pigs. He looked down in the sty; still no pigs. He called to his wife, “Where the hell are the pigs today?” Amid hysterical laughter, she managed to choke out, “They’re down in the truck, and the big one is honking the horn!”

This reporter gets this lead on this story about this really special pig. So he goes to interview the pig’s owner for the evening broadcast. He drives to the house, knocks on the door. The man opens the door and invites him inside. The reporter says, “I understand that you’ve got a very special pig here.” The man says, “Special? Hell son, let me tell you some stories about that pig.”
“About ten years ago, I found this pig by the roadside. He had dropped off of a pickup truck, and left for dead. So I went and picked him up and nursed him back to health. About two years later the whole family was asleep, and the house and barn caught on fire. The pig busted into the window, woke me up, and told me the house was on fire.  ” The reporter is stunned. “You mean to tell me that that pig can talk?” “Hell, yes, he can talk,” says the farmer. “This pig is helping to perfect the cold fusion process, and he’s on the lecture circuit, making $10,000 per speech.”
The reporter asks the farmer hastily, “Can we go see this miracle pig now???” The farmer replies, “Sure we can.” So they go out into the farmyard, and there, sitting on the fence smoking a cigarette is this pig missing one front leg and one hind leg. The pig says to the reporter, “Hello there. Beautiful weather, isn’t it? I haven’t seen weather this pretty since I was sailing the Barbados…” The reporter is too stunned to respond. He drags the farmer back into the house, and says, “Dammit, you’re right. The pig can talk!!!” The farmer says, “See, I told you.” Then the reporter says, “I’ve just got one question. What happened to his legs?”
The farmer says, “You see, son, a pig that smart, you just CAN’T eat him all at once.”