- Let your kid eat in front of the TV.
- Forget to put Vaseline on the doorknob so kid can open door.
- Make sure your kid has a puppy.
- Make sure your kid’s stomach and puppy’s digestive tract are both full.
- Go to bathroom for a little quality time.
We’ve all seen articles by organized people enumerating methods to keep out lives well-organized, tidy, and rational. Well, this is not one of those. I’d be far more successful at writing “How to Mess Up Everything You Touch.” My kids were always right ahead of me, making sure nothing was missed. When John was three, I settled him on the floor on a big towel in front of the television with his breakfast on a tray to watch “Sesame Street. Never a slacker in the appetite department, he always wanted milk, eggs, bacon, toast, and grits. I always watched with him, ready to pick up his tray and cuddle him in his blanket after he finished eating. This worked well for months.
One sad day, I had to excuse myself for just a minute. Naturally, I told John to sit tight till I got back. Everything would have been fine, except the Buster the Dog wanted in. No three-year-old could have resisted. Buster surely thought he’d gone to Doggy Heaven when he found breakfast waiting for him, set right at puppy level. Making quick work of my tidy layout, he spilled the milk, gobbled the eggs and bacon, and smeared the grits as far as they’d go. In fact, it was so altogether satisfying and filling, he pooped his gratitude out on the carpet. Sickened by the smell, John vomited on top of the whole mess. By the time I’d finished my business and got back to the living room, John was bawling at the top of his lungs and Buster was happily burrowed into the sofa, licking the jam off the toast.
I scraped up the worst of the mess and fixed John another breakfast, not because I thought he deserved it, but because it was the only way to assuage his loud and continuous grief. Buster went back to the yard and I spent the next couple of hours catching up on some unplanned cleaning.
As a footnote, I noticed fruit flies buzzing around John’s toy box later that morning. Digging deep, I found a rotten banana right at the bottom, but that’s a story for another day. Just so you know, later that week I pulled a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of the VCR.
Reblogged this on itsgoodtobecrazysometimes and commented:
This is literally my life every day
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No thank you for sharing, it really made me laugh
LikeLike
This is one excellent reason why mothers should have kids while they are young – and have the energy to cope!
LikeLike
No kidding!
LikeLike
Great belly laugh! Poor you…
LikeLike
Yep!
LikeLike
I can see why we are kindred spirits! Sounds like a contagious terminal disease K-I-D-S.
LikeLike
I wouldn’t have missed it for anything!
LikeLike
It is like an elite military school tough but there is honor in it
LikeLiked by 1 person
My kids are grown now. I couldn’t be more proud. They love me just as much now as when they were little. I am so glad I had them!
LikeLike
Hahaha….. sorry, but those are the stories you would only consider for a movie. OMG!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It would be hilarious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLike
They kept you hopping, and kept life real. ☺ I’ve heard about those sandwiches in the VCR, grilled cheese was popular.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They never are the same!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No doubt. ☺
LikeLike
Well, at least the dog was happy, so something went right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He was.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I laughed so hard at this. The things children do and what we do to keep up with them? With six children almost fully grown, I have a lot of these stories.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never did keep up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m still trying but haven’t managed yet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good luck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t remember days like that! Thank goodness I was a lot younger then!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Lord! I do!
LikeLike
Should have been “I can remember” – typo!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was surprised you couldn’t remember!
LikeLike