Dear Auntie LInda, Before my husband had radiation for his stem-cell transplant.we banked his sperm so we could have children. I had in vitro fertilization but sadly, he became septic and died just days later. Mike’s twin brother, John and I turned to each other in our grief, and had sex. I had twins, but don’t know who the father is. The babies and I will draw social security. I desperately want the babies to be Mike’s, not just for the money, but because I loved him and wanted his children. This is my dilemma, John and I have stayed close and plan to marry soon and have children. He wants me to have in vitro again with Mike’s sperm again before we marry so that that child could have social security benefits as well as the other children. We are currently living together, so should I do this, the child could belong to either brother. Could I get in trouble for this? Thinking About It.
Dear Thinking, I have no idea whether or not you would get in legal trouble unless you drew attention to yourselves by going on a talk show, but I can see big trouble in your future. First of all, children may have a medical need for a DNA results, just as your husband did before he had his stem-cell transplant. Certainly the truth will out then. The fact that John would be want to initiate such a deception says a lot about him. This is dishonest situation that is very likely to cause tremendous pain for all involved down the road. What value do you place on your ethics and honesty, not to mention your children’s feelings? Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, I am a nurse on an oncology unit at a teaching hospital. We recently had a young twenty-one-year old man on our unit who needed total body radiation. He, his fiancé, and family were devastated as much by the fact that he would be left sterile as a result, as they were about his health concerns, since they focused on his good prognosis. He had no benefits or funds to cover his medical care, not to mention sperm-banking. It was not a great deal of money, so when one of the nurses on the unit heard his concerns, we collected money to cover the cost for five years. This is not a question but an observation. Of all the men who worked on the unit, not one donation came from a man. When I mentioned it to my nursing manager, a man, he laughed and blew it off, saying, “I’m not donating to that.” showing a tremendous lack of compassion. I was disappointed. I’ve wondered about this a lot since then. Disappointed