Terror at the Camp Out (Halloween Story)


The backyard campout was all Billy and his friends could talk about. My cousin Sue and I furiously watched them build a tent out of old quilts stretched over the clothesline, furious we couldn’t camp out with them. No girls allowed! Continue reading


Evening Chuckle

cat in window

cat showerfar-side-dogs-tutoredRound The Bend

A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams ‘PIG!’

Astonished, the man turns and yells back, ‘BITCH!’ as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig

Friends Billy-Ray and Joe-Bob were bored, so they decided to visit the bingo hall in town. Billy-Ray won a bottle of BBQ sauce, and Joe-Bob won a toilet brush. The next week, the boys got together again.
“Did you try that sauce yet?” asked Joe-bob. “Yeah” said Billy-Ray, “I put it on some ribs and they were good! How about you? You like your toilet brush?”
“Nah” said Billy-Joe, “It makes my butt sore. I think I’ll go back to toilet paper.”

Car Accident
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot – with just two little slits for his eyes.

‘What happened to you?’ asked Cassidy.

‘I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.’

‘Begod,’ said Cassidy. ‘It’s a good job you were wearing those bandages or you’d have been cut to ribbons!’

$1,990 exactly.
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems….

‘Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot’.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

‘Incredible’he says, ‘there is a $20 note lodged up here.’

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a $10 pound note appears.

‘This is amazing!’exclaims the Doctor. ”What do you want me to do?’

‘Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! ‘shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc…..

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

‘Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat’s moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?’

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says ‘$1,990 exactly.’

‘Ah, dat’d be roit,” says the Irishman

‘I knew I wasn’t feeling two grand..’

A patent runs into the doctors

‘Doctor doctor i’ve got a problem’

the dotor looks at him ‘ what’s wrong?’

‘i’ve got a starwberry stuck up my bum’

the doctor says. ‘i’ve got some cream for that

Mike and his wife expect a baby
Irishman Mike Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes’ wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. “What d’ya want me to do, Doctor?” “Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!” the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
“Mike, you’re the proud father of a fine strapping boy.” “Saints be praised, I…” Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, “Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey.” Soon the doctor delivers the next child. “You’ve a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter.”
“Thanks be to…”
Again the Doctor cuts in, “Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!” Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike’s inspection.
“Doctor,” asks Mike, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attracting them?”


Smarty Kitty/ In Honor of National Cat’s Day



Don’t ever watch infomercials when you’re bored and your wallet is handy.  Had a cold a few weeks ago, was flipping channels, and happened on a commercial for Smarty-Kitty, a product that will train a cat of any age to use the toilet.  I didn’t need Smarty-Kitty.  Squeaky, my ragdoll cat is five years old and up until I interfered with his life at that point, had never had an accident.  Well, naturally, I got busy and ordered Smarty-Kitty and the Continue reading

Ask Auntie Linda

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda,  About 8 years ago my mother moved in with my brother and his partner and sold her home; because it was paid off, she got a hefty amount of money. She told my brother to manage it for her. Around that same time I was forced to leave my job due to severe back problems. I was having to go on disability and knew I would be having to live on significantly less money.  I was telling my brother that I was going to ask my children if they would purchase my home and property so that I could pay off some credit card bills.  He told me that he thought mom would give me that amount of money and it would be considered my early inheritance.  He talked to my mom and my other siblings and they all agreed to this.  I made doubly sure they agreed to it before I allowed it to happen.  The bills were quickly paid off and that was that.  I have been able to remain in my home because of my agreement.

Later, my mother came back to me and insisted that I start paying her a monthly amount – and all of this was to be done behind my brother’s back.  I started sending her the monthly amount and she then insisted that I send her cash and not a check. I refused to do that.
After that, she and a granddaughter took my house key, copied it  and gave it to my neighbors (who are needy and not morally sound).  Her granddaughter(my niece) became friends with these people to turn them against me and have them come into my home and help themselves to anything they wanted. Also, all of my outdoor landscaping plants started being killed off. (Of course, I didn’t know what my mother and niece had done at the time). And, they also involved other people in this behavior, telling them all that I “stole the money” from my mother.  Things started going missing in my home. All of my freezer meat was stolen. My outdoor plants were all being killed. This continued even after I changed the locks on my home.
My niece brow beat me and stressed me out so bad that I had a psychotic break and had to go back to counseling.  My mother said awful things to my daughter that has hurt our relationship and we had a very close and loving relationship.
It has been absolute hell. I cannot even begin to tell you how much. I still talk to my mother because of my brother, but I no longer feel loving toward her. I am very nice to her, but I can’t easily tell her I love her anymore. This has given me terrible anxiety and deep sorrow.  I guess I just need your opinion and any suggestions (if any) you may have on this matter.   ~Deeply Hurt~
Dear Deeply Hurt,  I suspect your mother is being manipulated by her granddaughter who is very likely working Granny for money, unbeknownst to your brother.  You were right not to hand cash over.  Was there an agreement with Mom before the sale as to whether or not you were to pay rent to remain in residence?  Your brother needs to know that Mom is asking for rent (cash) since he is handling her financial affairs. Also, is Mom’s mind still sound?  She may not understand what is going on.  Conduct all business through your brother and notify him of any other demands.
As to key situation, anyone taking items from your house committed theft.  You were smart to change locks.  Even if Mom considers herself your landlord, she cannot authorize others to go in and take items from you, her tenant.  I expect it is too late to report the theft now, but let your brother, mom, and other family know you will be reporting theft, trespassing and vandalism in the future.
Family conflicts are terribly stressful.  Hopefully, in time, your feeling toward Mom will soften, especially if you realize she was being used.  Don’t bother to keep defending yourself against malicious tales.  Your daughter’s feelings should soften when things settle down.  Make sure Brother is in the loop in all your dealings with Mom.  The granddaughter may be using Granny to put the touch on other family members.  Good Luck.  This is a tough situation.  Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda,  I recently went to care for my seventy-five year-old sister while she was recovering from surgery.  She lives across the street from her daughter, Susie, who normally cares for her.  Joanie is diabetic, legally blind,  and dependent on others for daily help.  She has turned her checkbook over to Susie.  Susie doesn’t work and never has.  Susie picked me up at the bus station at six pm, stopped by the grocery store, told me to wait in the car, and was out in about five minutes with two packaged dinners.  She dropped me off at Joanie’s door and zipped off, saying she’d be back in the morning to give Joanie her shot and bring breakfast.  I said, “I’ll be glad to cook breakfast.  Just come back and give the shot.”
She he zipped off after telling me there was no food, she’d be back in the morning.  I thought she meant she’d have to bring a few things.  That night, Joanie and I ate the small packaged dinner.  About nine o’clock, Joanie wanted a little snack.  I went in the kitchen to get her something.  There was butter in the fridge and an empty peanut butter jar in the pantry.  Joanie had scraped it clean.  Though she was diabetic, ther was nothing I could give her.  About eight-thirty the next morning, Susie came dragging in with two packaged breakfasts from the store, scrambled eggs and English muffins, no coffee, no milk, and no juice.  She hurriedly gave her Mother her shot and said she’d be back with lunches. ……later.  Joanie told her she’d like a little money.  Joanie said, “no your money is all spent.  I had to charge this on Bob’s credit card.”
I asked her to take me to the grocery store.  She didn’t have time.  Late that afternoon, she came back and took me to the store.  It was three miles away.  I couldn’t have walked and carried back groceries.  Except for the times she came to give Joanie her shot, Susie didn’t show her face.  Joanie had one towel and one change of clothes.  Susie had taken her laundry and didn’t have time to bring it back.  When the home-health nurse visited, I told her Joanie was neglected. Joanie denied it, saying, Susie usually does great.”  I know this isn’t true.  What can I do?  I live six hours away.  Joanie’s Sister
Dear Sister, Report this to Adult Protection.  They will investigate.  Tell them it is an emergency.  Auntie Linda
Please email your questions to lbeth1950@hotmail.com. I can answer confidentially or in this blog.  Thanks

Joke of the Day

funny-cartoonFirst woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What’s the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine.”First woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind.” What’s the problem? “Nothing.” Please tell us. “I’m fine.”

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’’s a headache?”

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes”, the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who cares?” the mother replied.

A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, “He’s quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. He will be leaving me soon.”

The man thinks, “A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How does it stay up there.”

The Price Of Cleanliness

Re logged from Catterall.


A series of posts about Laundry in the 1950’s by Ibeth at Nutsrok brought back memories for me. https://nutsrok.wordpress.com/2015/10/08/laundry-in-the-1950s-part-1/

I remember, when I was first married and lived in a flat in Germany in the 1960’s, that we had a front-loading washing machine in the basement, which was shared by all tenants according to a rota. My recollection is that I was allowed to use it once a month, which seems strange as the usual system, still operating today in most of Europe, is that each apartment tenant is allocated a half day every week. Maybe I just used to forget when it was my turn. I know I used it a couple of times, feeding the machine with tokens bought for 20 Pfennig each from the “Hausdrachen” (house dragon or concierge) a ferocious little middle-aged woman who hated me because I was English. One load…

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