Oh, to have the wisdom to fill
my wings at the precipice
fearlessly taking the leap,
trusting I will soar!
Brian walked into work and saw his coworker looking particularly sour. βHey whatβs wrong buddy?β His friend looked up with a forlornΒ expression on his face. βYou remember last month how my Grandmotherβs sister passed on and left me $2,000?β
βYes,β said Brian nodding his head.
βAnd you remember how the month before that her brother passed on and left me $5000?
βUh huhβ said Brian again.
βWell this month is almost over,β said the coworker with a wave ofΒ his hand βandβ¦β¦β¦β¦β¦β¦..NOTHING!β
Bobby was sitting on theΒ porchΒ talking to his Grandpa when he innocently asked, βGrandpa, do you know how to make animal sounds?β
βI sure doβ Grandpa replied. βWhat sort of animal sound would you like to hear?β
βHow about a toad? Do you know how to sound like a toad?β
βSureβ, said Grandpa,Β cuppingΒ his hand to his mouth, βcroaaak croaaak, how did you like that?!β
βYipee!β screamed Bobby jumping up and down, βWe are going to Miami!β
βHuh?β Questioned Grandpa. βWhyβs that?β
βBecause Grandma said so,β Bobby patiently explained, βshe said thatΒ after you croak weβll all go to Miami!β
Jim grabbed his suitcase off the luggage carousel and headed outside to hail a taxi. A taxi promptly picked him up and they were on there way. Twenty minutes into the ride Jim had a question for the taxi driver, βExcuse me sirβ said Jim tapping the driver on the shoulder. βAHHHH
HHHβ screamed the taxi driver swerving the taxi across three lanes of traffic finally stopping the car on the opposite shoulder. βWhat the heck was that all about?β demanded Jim thoroughly shaken. βIβm sorry,β said the taxi driver, wiping his brow, βthis is my first day on the job, Iβve been driving a hearse for the last fifty years!β
Dear Auntie Linda, I am seventy-four years old, and a widow of moderate means.Β My only child, a daughter is an English Professor at a well-known university in California.Β She is divorced with three children.Β Her ex-husband is wealthy, but will only pay the legally required child-support.Β She makes a good income, but is constantly in need of money for any extras the children require, like private school, or summer camp.Β She has a lovely home (for which I gave her the down payment)Β and has invited me to move out and live with them, but I don’t want to be a live-in nanny.Β She and the children visit for a couple of weeks twice a year now and by the time they leave,Β I am exhausted from babysitting since she goes out with friendsΒ most afternoons and doesn’t usually get home till after midnight.Β The children are lovely, but they wear me out.Β I give her ten-thousand dollars a year now since she will inherit everything I have someday anyway, but I am starting to worry that I will run out of money if I live more than fifteen more years.Β I feel bad telling her “no” since she is my only heir.Β How do I make her understand I am worried about my finances without offending her?Β The Bank
Dear Bank, You are helping your daughter live a very cushy lifestyle.Β If you never gave her another penny, you have been extremely generous.Β Feel free to give her what you choose and draw the line where you need to.Β She probably thinks you have money to burn.Β Auntie Linda
Dear Auntie Linda, My siblings and I were raised the same. Of the seven of us, only two are law-abiding citizens.Β The other five are drug andΒ alcohol-addicted and frequently incarcerated.Β Though I care about them, I have chosen to have no association with them, due to beingΒ victimized time after time.Β Β OneΒ brother and I stay in touch, and avoid the rest like the plague.Β We each moved out of state to build lives where we weren’t known, at the first opportunity, cutting ties with everyone but each other.Β Β A sisterΒ has reached out to me now, though I don’t know how she got my number, wanting me to “take me in and help me get a new start.”Β I don’t want to see her and can’t afford to help her unless I take her in which I am not willing to do.Β Is this a horrible thing to do?Β Burned
Dear Burned,Β No.Β People who want to change their ways and rebuild their lives can find a way to do it.Β “Fool me once, shame on you.Β Fool me twice, shame on me!”
A man dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the Β Gorgeous A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. “I The second one in line hears this and says “I want to be gorgeous too.” Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says…… “Make ’em all ugly again” The Good Deed A guy just died and he’s at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says The guy thinks for a moment and says, ‘Yeah, there was this one time St. Peter, impressed, says, ‘Really? When did this happen?’ How Do You Spell…? A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, To which the woman replied, “Not yet. You must spell a word “What word?” he asked.
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Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end
*
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
*
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
*
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
*
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
*
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
*
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
*
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
*
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
*
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
*
Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway
*
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work with you
*
Bloodhound + Borzoi
Bloody Bore, a dog that’s not much fun
*
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
*
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Learn Everything About Dogs
that all men are created equal
Thoughts about writing and life
Here are my observations as I reach for understanding. {no award nominations, please}
All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children Is 54:13
Lets coach each other with law of attraction/Transformational coaching/ Life coaching
The simplicity of life is just being yourself.β
a little lunch, a little wine, a LOT of talking!
Hare Krishna
Minneapolis based news source
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Learn Everything About Dogs
that all men are created equal
Thoughts about writing and life
Here are my observations as I reach for understanding. {no award nominations, please}
All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children Is 54:13
Lets coach each other with law of attraction/Transformational coaching/ Life coaching
The simplicity of life is just being yourself.β
a little lunch, a little wine, a LOT of talking!
Hare Krishna
Minneapolis based news source