The Blonde and the Final Exam
A blonde reported for her university final examination which consists
of “yes/no” type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and
marking the answer sheet “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating
it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the
coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
The blonde replies, “I finished the exam in half an hour, but I’m rechecking
Old Man McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
“S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing,” said the Irishman, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
Paddy O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. “Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”
An Irishman and his wife entered the dentist’s office.
“I want a tooth pulled, ” the man said. “We are in a big hurry to get to the pub, so don’t fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff.”
“You are a very brave man,” remarked the dentist. “Which tooth is it?”
“Show him your bad tooth, honey,” said the man to his wife.
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.
“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
“Well, she spoke without interruption for about forty years,” said the Irishman.
Two Irishmen are walking up a hill and they see a head roll by them. The first Irishman says “Wasn’t that old Paddy O’Tool? The second Irishman says “I thought he was taller than that!”