Office Wisdom

 

Eagles may soar high, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. There may be no ‘I’ in team, but there’s a ‘ME’ if you look hard enough. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow. Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a LOSER! Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency – welcome to a day in the average office. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would Chuck Norris handle this?” If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you’re trying to get them fired. If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do. There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’. But then there’s no ‘I’ in ‘useless smug colleague’, either. And there’s four in ‘platitude-quoting idiot’. Go figure.