Two drunks are waiting at bus stop on O’Connell Street Dublin.
Eventually, a number 13 bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the drunks leans inside and asks the bus driver: ‘Will this bus take me to Temple Bar?’
The bus driver shakes his head and says, ‘No, I’m sorry.’
At this the other drunk lurches inside, smiles, and slurs:
‘Will it take ME?’
Mike and Jimmy were walking home from town after a night of bar-hopping. They had no money to get a taxi and were staggering all over the place when they found themselves outside the bus depot on Danube Road.
Mike had an idea. He said to Jimmy, “Go in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I’ll stay out here and keep a watch for the police.”
So Jimmy went into the garage and was gone for about twenty minutes. Mike was starting to wonder what was taking him so long.
Eventually Mike stuck his head around the door and saw Jimmy running from bus to bus and looking very worried.
“Terry! What are you doing?” Mike asked.
“I can’t find a number 47 anywhere Mike,” Jimmy replied. “The 47 is the only bus that stops at our house.”
Mike rolled his eyes. “Ohhhh,” he groaned, “How stupid can you get? It doesn’t need to be a 47 for us to get home!” He walked over to a bus. “Here, we’ll take this one,” he said. “It’s a number 25. It stops at the roundabout. We can just get off there and walk the rest of the way!”
Siobhan followed her husband to the public house, ‘How can you come here’, she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, ‘and drink that awful stuff?’
‘Now!’ he cried, ‘And you always thought I was out enjoying meself!”
A Texan walks into a pub in Galway, Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, ‘I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ fools. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.’
The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan’s offer.
Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?’ asks Paddy.
The Texan answers, ‘Yes’, and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, ‘If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?’
Paddy Murphy replies, ‘Oh………………. I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.’