Evening chuckle

Alcohol jokes
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!” The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word. His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, “I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!” The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, “I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!” The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re drunk! Go home!”

Little Johnny jokes
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!” “Johnny,” the father said. “You don’t do those kind of things to women.” Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!” “But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

Cop jokes
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, “Don’t worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!” In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, “I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. ” The old man replied, “I thought you said, there weren’t any officers available.”

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