There was this gas station trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying “Free Sex with Fill-up.” Soon a customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed 8 and the proprietor said, “No, you were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time”. Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed 2 this time, and the proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close but no free sex this time”. As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, “I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t give away free sex”. The buddy replied, “No, it’s not rigged – my wife won twice last week.”
A co-worker told John that John’s wife was being unfaithful everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with John’s best friend.
Worried and hurt, John ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true.
He came back to the office contented and relieved.
His co-worker asked him how it went.
“Look,” said John. “Don’t start such terrible rumors! That guy isn’t my best friend… I don’t even know him.”
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher(sadly): You don’t know your arithmetic. Johnny(sadly): You don’t know my father. –
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.” The sheriff says, “Then why do I smell wine?” And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”