THE MONITOR confirmed cardiac arrest as an elderly
man suddenly lost consciousness. After about 20 seconds of
resuscitation, he came to. Explaining to him that his heart had
momentarily stopped, I asked if he remembered anything unusual
during that time.
“I saw a bright light,” he said, “and in front of me
a man dressed in white.”
Zeroing in on this near-death impression, I inquired
if he could describe the figure.
“Sure, doctor,” he replied. “It was you.
A customer in a little country drugstore noticed a sign saying: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” But instead of a well-trained watchdog, all he saw was a harmless old hound dog sleeping on the floor next to the cash register.
“Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he asked the store owner.
“Yessiree, that’s him,” the owner replied.
The customer couldn’t help but laugh. “That sure doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why on Earth would you post that sign?”
“Because, until I hung up that sign, folks kept tripping over him.”
A dietitian was addressing a large audience in Chicago: “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous to some and none of us realize the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” A 75 year old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.
Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said: ‘Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in the future.’
‘Why?’ Paddy asked.
‘Because’ said Mick ‘all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday’
Paddy said. ‘Silly buggers ! – the laugh’s on them. I wasn’t home yesterday. !!’
A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?” The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said… “HEL-LOOOOOOOO …You gotta roll up the windows!!!