Evening Chuckle/Bad Day at the Office

'Yessir, that's a jellyfish. No bones about it.'

‘Yessir, that’s a jellyfish. No bones about it.’

If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won:

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all .

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit.

This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment that sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now, this all sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s fantastic…it’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This, of course, only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bottom started to feel a burning sensation. I pulled the hose out from my back, thinking that maybe the water was too hot, but the damage was done.

In agony, I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it directly into my suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I had scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish, and all of its poisonous, stinging tentacles, into the crack of my bottom.

I immediately informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because my bottom was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your bottom.

Now repeat to yourself, “I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.”

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.jelloy

Joke of the Day

Two blondes were walking through the woods when they saw some tracks.  The first said,”These look like deer tracks,”and the other one said , ” No,they look like moose tracks”. They argued until the train hit them.

A blond boarded a plane to Chicago. She was seated in the general passenger section. Once the airplane was in the air, she got up and went into first class and took a seat. The stewardess told her that unless she produced a first class ticket she had to return to the other section. The blonde refused and said I am going to Chicago and I am staying here. Other stewardesses tried everything to get her to move, but she refused and kept saying she was going to Chicago and she was staying where she was. Finally, the stewardess told the Captain about the situation. The co-pilot offered to go in and handle it, but he captain said no, he was married to a blonde and knew what to do. The Captain went into first class and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She looked up at him shocked and quickly went back to the passenger section. Everyone was amazed and asked the Captain what he had said. He said, “I just told her that First class did not go to Chicago

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink,and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge,and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough,he jumped,so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
“I can’t take this,you’re my friend.”
But the blonde insisted saying,
“No. A bet’s a bet.”
Then the redhead said
“Listen,I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news,so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied
“Well,so did I,but I didn’t think he would jump again!”

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building,who would hit the ground first? Answer: The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? ‘It’s ok Daddy, I’m not hurt.’