Ask Auntie Linda, October 20, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am seventy-two years old and recently widowed.  I have three sisters and a brother I love dearly, but my older sister is cold, critical, and very difficult to tolerate.  I love her boys and look forward to seeing them at family gatherings.  Both Nona and I were recently widowed.  Her husband was a lovely man and a dear friend to both me and my late husband so we maintained a relationship for his sake.  None of our siblings nor her boys will have anything to do with Nona..  She has recently moved less than a mile from me without telling me till after she bought a house. She also joined my church.  I am very upset dreading the trouble she will stir up with my church friends.  I have struggled to maintain a relationship with Nona but don’t want to deal with her on a regular basis,  How do I tolerate her?  I don’t want to have to move to get away.  Avoiding Trouble

Dear Avoiding, She must be a miserable piece of work if everybody cut her off.  You will have to set strict limits on your relationship.  Your friends will figure her out for themselves.  You are not responsible.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My mother used my personal information to get credit and has ruined my credit.  I don’t know what to do.  I can struggle to pay her debts or report her for identity theft, for which she will be prosecuted.  I won’t do that.  Mother and I had a good relationship.  I never dreamed she’d do such a thing.  She has begged me not to tell my father.  I feel hopeless, graduating with student loan debt and now my mother’s debt hanging over my head.  I am working now and living at home to save money, but my father has asked me to pay $300 rent.  Under normal circumstances, I would expect to do this.  I believe in paying my way, but can’t afford rent and debt repayment.  I need to stay here until the debt is paid, about three years.  What in the world do I do?  In a Bind

Dear Bind,  You mother betrayed your trust and is now asking you to be complicit in deceiving your father.  This is wrong.  She needs to come clean with your father and make good on her debt so you can meet your responsibilities.  Auntie Linda

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Evening Chuckle

2007-09-29-simple-life-reunion-show

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station…on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large…In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags…and you’re not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar…a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the “Hokey Pokey” you put your left hip out…and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, “whippersnapper,” “scalawag” and “by-cracky” creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you’re mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can’t keep.

29. The waiter asks how you’d like your steak…and you say “pureed.”

30. At parties you attend, “regularity” is considered the topic of choice.

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. You tune into the easy listening station…on purpose.

5. You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large…In that order.

6. You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

7. You keep repeating yourself.

8. You start video taping daytime game shows.

9. At the airport, they ask to check your bags…and you’re not carrying any luggage.

10. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

11. Your Insurance Company has started sending you their free calendar…a month at a time.

12. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

13. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

14. When you do the “Hokey Pokey” you put your left hip out…and it stays out.

15. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

16. Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”

17. You keep repeating yourself.

18. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

19. You discover the words, “whippersnapper,” “scalawag” and “by-cracky” creeping into your vocabulary.

20. You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

21. You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

22. You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

23. You look both ways before crossing a room.

24. Your social security number only has three digit s.

25. You keep repeating yourself.

26. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

27. You go to a Garden Party and you’re mainly interested in the garden.

28. You find your mouth making promises your body can’t keep.

29. The waiter asks how you’d like your steak…and you say “pureed.”

30. At parties you attend, “regularity” is considered the topic of choice.

Twelve Great Diet Excuses

Real Life Adventures. Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich.:

Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

But the doughnut was calling my name.

But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had an ice cream.

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.

The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.

Frank & Ernest

Joke of the Day

imageWhen I Was Your Age …

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
“Nothing much, Pastor,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life.” “Boys, boys, boys!” he scolded. “I’m shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex.”
In unison they all replied, “You win!”

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced “One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry we have three engines left”.
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry we have two engines left”.
An hour later the capain announced “One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left”.
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day”

A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, “Honey, I have great news! We’re pregnant, and we’re having twins!” The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, “Honey that’s wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we’re having twins?” She nods her head and says, “Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!”