Twelve Great Diet Excuses

Real Life Adventures. Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich.:

Chocolate is a vegetable. How, you ask? Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

Only eat things that have been broken into pieces; that way, all the calories fall out.

Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

But the doughnut was calling my name.

But it was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called dish, so I had an ice cream.

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.

The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.

Frank & Ernest

13 thoughts on “Twelve Great Diet Excuses

  1. Reblogged this on pensitivity101 and commented:
    I had some of these on a spoof diet chart, but the chocolate one is new to me. Best to have 5 bars a day then!
    You could add:
    dine with a friend, that way you half the calories.
    Crumbs and picking at left overs don’t count as the calories have already been included in the original meal.
    A balanced diet is a beer in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other.

    Great post Linda.

    Liked by 1 person

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