Evening Chuckle

imageThree men walk into a bar: a Frenchman, an Italian and an Irishman. Each orders a beer. Three flies fly into the bar and one fly lands in each man’s beer.

The Italian man plucks the fly out of his beer, says “Tutto e bene!” (“All is well!”), and drinks the beer.

The Frenchman scowls, shows his beer – with the bug still inside it – to the bartender, and demands another.

The Irishman yanks the fly out of the beer, grabs it by its wings, shakes it angrily and yells, “Cough it up, you wee thievin’ bastard!”

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, he started to leave.

“S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”

Joke of the Day

A turtle is going down a road when he is robbed by four snails. After recovering his wits, he decides to report it to the police. “Can you give me a description the snails who robbed you?” asked the police officer.
“Not really,” replied the turtle. “You see, it all happened so fast.”

This butler came running into the master’s room. He said, ‘Sir there’s a ghost outside in the corridor. What shall I do?’
The master said, ‘Tell him I can’t see him.

One dark night, two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” – the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

halloween-animation

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter) and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”

halloween-ghosts

A daring vacationer is walking through a graveyard on Halloween when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where it’s coming from.

She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, “Ludwig van Beethoven.”

Then she realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward. Puzzled, she leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with her.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but it is also being played backward.

Curious, the ladies agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing and the expert concludes that the symphonies are in fact being played in reverse order.

By the next day the word spread and a huge group gathered around the grave to hear the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker approaches the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!!”