Evening Chuckle

cat in window

cat showerfar-side-dogs-tutoredRound The Bend

A man is speeding down a narrow mountain road, when a woman comes hurtling round the corner. He swerves to avoid her, but as she passes she leans out the window and screams ‘PIG!’

Astonished, the man turns and yells back, ‘BITCH!’ as he reaches the bend and crashes into a pig

Friends Billy-Ray and Joe-Bob were bored, so they decided to visit the bingo hall in town. Billy-Ray won a bottle of BBQ sauce, and Joe-Bob won a toilet brush. The next week, the boys got together again.
“Did you try that sauce yet?” asked Joe-bob. “Yeah” said Billy-Ray, “I put it on some ribs and they were good! How about you? You like your toilet brush?”
“Nah” said Billy-Joe, “It makes my butt sore. I think I’ll go back to toilet paper.”

Car Accident
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot – with just two little slits for his eyes.

‘What happened to you?’ asked Cassidy.

‘I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.’

‘Begod,’ said Cassidy. ‘It’s a good job you were wearing those bandages or you’d have been cut to ribbons!’

$1,990 exactly.
An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems….

‘Dactor, it’s me ahrse. I’d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot’.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

‘Incredible’he says, ‘there is a $20 note lodged up here.’

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man’s bottom, and then a $10 pound note appears.

‘This is amazing!’exclaims the Doctor. ”What do you want me to do?’

‘Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! ‘shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc…..

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

‘Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat’s moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?’

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says ‘$1,990 exactly.’

‘Ah, dat’d be roit,” says the Irishman

‘I knew I wasn’t feeling two grand..’

Strawberry
A patent runs into the doctors

‘Doctor doctor i’ve got a problem’

the dotor looks at him ‘ what’s wrong?’

‘i’ve got a starwberry stuck up my bum’

the doctor says. ‘i’ve got some cream for that

Mike and his wife expect a baby
Irishman Mike Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes’ wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. “What d’ya want me to do, Doctor?” “Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!” the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
“Mike, you’re the proud father of a fine strapping boy.” “Saints be praised, I…” Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, “Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey.” Soon the doctor delivers the next child. “You’ve a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter.”
“Thanks be to…”
Again the Doctor cuts in, “Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!” Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike’s inspection.
“Doctor,” asks Mike, “Do you think it’s the light that’s attracting them?”

 

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