A preacher buys a lawnmower from a neighbor of his, but he can’t get it to run. He goes to his neighbor and says, “Why can’t I get the lawnmower to work?”
The neighbor says, “Oh, to get it to work, you have to curse it.”
The priest says, “But, I haven’t cursed in over thirty years!”
The neighbor says, “In that case, just keep trying to start it. It’ll all come back to you!”
The pope flies to California to make a speech. He’s picked up in a limo and is being driven down the highway, when he thinks how nice it would be to do some driving himself. He rolls down the window and taps the driver on the shoulder, and asks if he can take the wheel. The driver can’t exactly say no, so he pulls over and climbs in the back and lets the Pope take the wheel.
The Pope grabs the driver’s cap and sticks it on his head, then floors the accelerator and shoots down the highway, weaving back and forth between cars at around 100 MPH.
A policeman sees the limo and gives chase, finally pulling it over. The policeman struts up to the car, then leans in to ask for his license, then sees the pope sitting there behind the wheel.
“Excuse me a minute,” he says, and goes back to his cruiser. He gets on the radio with headquarters and says, “Hey, Charlie, I’m not sure what to do here. I just pulled someone over, and it turns out it’s someone REALLY important.”
Charlie at HQ says, “You mean, like, a singer?”
The cop says, “No, bigger than that.”
Charlie says, “An actor?”
The cop says, “Nope, bigger than that, too.”
Charlie says, “You mean a politician?”
The cop says, “Nope, bigger still.”
Charlie says, “Well, who is it?”
The cop says, “Actually, I’m not sure. All I know is that he’s got the Pope driving for him.”