Rattlesnakes, Bullfrogs, and Saran Wrap

imageBud really took offense with Bubba, his college suitemate just because Bubba was trying to pick up a little easy money.  It seems Bubba’s biology professor paid five dollars apiece for snakes.  One Sunday evening, Bubba came back from a trip home and tossed a burlap bed under his bunk and went on his merry way.  After a while, his roommate heard rattling, investigated, and found a sack full of rattlesnakes.  Bubba was rounded up and he and his snakes were evicted.

The roommate and the suitemates felt a little payback was in order.  The next night, they rounded up a bullfrog and left it in a bag under his bunk.  As soon as the lights went out, the frog started croaking.  In case that wasn’t enough, one of them stretched Saran Wrap tightly across the toilet so Bubba got a shower when he went to pee.

It got ugly after that!

Ask Auntie Linda, November, 2, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, at a work function last week I had too much drink and made insulting and caustic remarks about my boss.  He didn’t hear me, but there is no way it won’t get back to  hm what I said.  He is out of the office for the next two weeks, but  I can’t imagine that I won’t be fired.  Even if I weren’t, I don’t know that I would feel I could stay.  Should I just go ahead and quit now before he gets back.  Big Mouth Drunk

Dear Big Mouth, Spend the time before he gets back updating your resume and starting your job search.  Ask for an appointment with your boss.  With your letter of resignation in hand, apologize, making no excuses for yourself, telling him you are prepared to submit your resignation, if necessary, instead of waiting for termination. Depending on your past performance and your value to the company, it is possible there might be a miracle and this will blow over.  Consider not drinking.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My mother is eighty-two and in poor health.  She has given my sister and brother a considerable sum over the years.  I have never asked her for anything.  I recently asked her to make a will and reminded her of her gifts to my siblings.  She got angry and accused me of trying to rush her to the grave and get her money.  I would like an equal share with them.  Was I wrong?  Left out

Dear Left Out,  You were right that she needs to make a will.  Everyone should.  It is up to her how she leaves her money.  There is no way to anticipate what a person might do.  Auntie Linda

Great Marriage Quotes

  1. “A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” ~ Joseph Addison
  2. “A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” ~ anonymous
  3. “You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” ~ Toni Sciarra Poynter
  4. “Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” ~ Anonymous
  5. “We don’t love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.” ~ Jacques Maritain
  6. “Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson
    “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
  7. “The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” ~Peter De Vriesimage image image image
  8. “To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” ~Marnie Reed Crowell
  9. “A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergman
  10. “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~Simone Signoret
  11. “A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” ~ Anne Taylor Fleming
  12. “Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I’m going to have lunch and the rest of my life with.” ~ Jason Barmer
  13. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~ Albert Einstein
  14. “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” ~ Judith Viorst
  15. “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” ~ Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire
  16. “In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine
  17. “A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” ~ Paul Sweeney
  18. “Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” ~ Finnish Proverb
  19. “A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.” ~ James H. Boren
  20. “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” ~ Mark Twain
  21. “Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.” ~ Gene Perret
  22. “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” ~ Andre Maurois
  23. “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” ~ Martin Luther
  24. “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.” ~ Robert Fulghugm

Afternoon Funny

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they’d never clean anything.
~ Dave Barry  

A clean house is the sign of a boring person.
 
 
I don’t hate men, I just wish they’d try harder. They all want to be heroes and all we want is for them to stay at home and help with the housework and the kids. That’s not the kind of heroism they enjoy.
~ Jeanette Winterson One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
~ A.A. Milne
 

 

 
Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture.
~ Mario Buatta
You don’t get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
~ Cecil Baxter
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
~ Erma Bombeck
 
 
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
 
Earth’s surface is water, and one-fourth is land. It is quite clear that the good Lord intended us to spend triple the amount of time fishing as taking care of the lawn.
~ Chuck Clark
 
 
 
 
Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom.
~ Mark Twain

 
At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.
~ Rose Macaulay
 
 

Children of a Child

Reblogged from Ad Dawg.  Please check out his site.

Roads, Paths, & Trails

We both stumbled out of the gate; one filled with hate – the other a child of that fate. Color was the cause of that spate. The dye was casted that blazingly chilly day for children unborn, none would dream nor know how blindness made the life road they would take.

Love should conquer all; stand tall unbending to break one’s fall. It is a hope many have in their heart when it’s time to give one’s soul – but sometime that beginning is not so bold.

The light of us we say are our children; those sweet innocence of purity with the breath of the Gods – with a future to fill guiding them to the stars.  I think this is what the great man saw with much wisdom; the promise of the best of ourselves brought to the world. Though I think he forgot that we are imperfect…

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