Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds? Fat people are harder to kidnap.
You’re fat and you need to go on a diet. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because you’ll eat that too.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it’s light she starts to eat. -Henry Youngman
Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle Diet? You talk to food instead of eating it.
You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.
D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?
D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?
D.I.E.T. = Don’t Indulge Every Time
Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll dessert you.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.
What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.
Have you seen the movie about the Atkins diet? Dude, Where’s My Carbs?
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds.
What do you call a fascist vegan? Lactose intolerant.
How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow? One if nobody’s looking.
If your dog is too fat, then your not getting enough exercise.
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
Diets are for people that are thick and tired of it.
Long Life A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?” “I think that is a wise decision,” the doctor replies. “Let’s see, do you smoke?” “Oh.. Half a pack a day.” “Starting NOW, no more smoking.” The man agrees. The doctor then asks, “Do you drink?” “Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while.” “Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions.” The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, “How do you eat?” “Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff.” “Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese.” The man is now really worried. “Doc, is all this really necessary?” “Do you want to live long?” “Yes.” “Well then, it’s absolutely necessary. And don’t even think of breaking the diet.” The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, “Do you have sex?” “Yeah, once a week or so…, only with my wife!” he adds hurriedly. “As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None.” The man is appalled. “Doc… Are you sure I’m going to live longer this way?” The doctor replies “I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!”
That was just what I needed to take that frown on my face and turn it upside down. Thanks.
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So lad.
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What kind of doctor is that? Taking the fun out of everything
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Must be a quack!
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😉
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Funny stuff. Thanks Beth for sharing. 😀
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Love the cartoons! LMBO! 😀 😀 😀
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Thanks. Checking your blog out now!
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I thought I’d diet and I think I like your version of “D.I.E.T” better so it’s great I can continue with the plans I have in mind! 😊😊😊
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Don’t let me lead you into sin. I’m the worst to counsel.
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Oh no, not at all. I already got a spot in hell. VIP status. 😀
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I’ll be the one in the first row pitching pine knots. At least we’ll have someone interesting to talk to. Wear red pajamas so I’ll know you!
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Hahahahaa! It’s a party. Red PJ it is. 🙂
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Oh Good, I’ll bring popcorn
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Darn! Popcorn? I was hoping for some wine! Oh wait, I was supposed to bring that.
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Yep!
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hahhaa..certainly made me laugh! 😀
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So glad you told me.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Relax, put your feet up and prepare to chuckle – courtesy of lbeth aka Nutsrok 👍😃😄
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Thanks, Chris
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Welcome lbeth 👍😃
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Reblogged this on perfectlyfadeddelusions.
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Thanks so much. I appreciate reblogs so much!
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