Evening Chuckle

image image image image imageA newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes a nd say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.'”

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him “Hey-come over hear buddy”. The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks”Were you talking to me”? The horse replies”Sure was, man I’ve got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I’m sick of it. Why don’t you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I’ll make you some money cause I can still run.” The jogger thought to himself,”boy a talking horse” Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer”Hey man I’ll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you’ve got in the field”. The farmer replies”Son you can’t believe anything that horse says-He’s never even been to Kentucky.

Ask Auntie Linda, November 09, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  I work in Human Resources and broke my own rule.  As a favor to a dear cousin, I asked the manager of another department to look at a his son’s resume. To clarify, I did not ask the other manager to hire or even interview, just look at  Joey’s resume.  There was no policy against this.  It happens all the time.  Joey had an excellent resume and interviewed well.  There was an open position for which he seemed a good fit, so the other manager  hired Joey.  I asked Joey not to mention our relationship at work, even though we are no closer than cousins.  I was unhappy when, Joey told everyone we are related, though we have different last names.  Before long, Joey was sharing family stories at work.  Needless to say, I was offended.  I called Joey after work, asking him to refrain from bringing my name and any family business at work.  Within months, Joey was arrested at on charges of dealing drugs and theft at work.  I am mortified, wishing I’d never heard of Joey.

It was a high-profile case on the news.  The next day, knowing the rumor mill would be buzzing, I went to my office and held a staff meeting, letting everyone know I was aware what was going on with Joey  and gave them a chance to ask questions, feeling I’d rather deal with the situation head on than have to dread whispering.  I got a few questions till people lost interest.  The point of this story is, don’t ever help an acquaintance or family at your own expense.  It is very likely to bite you.  Once Bitten

Dear Once,  I agree with you 100%.  I have suffered a similar embarrassment.  Best to let everyone look out for themselves.  A good candidate can stand on his or her own.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda,  My son-in-law is in prison for sexual assault and second-degree murder of my daughter.  I have custody full-custody of their small children and have moved away so my grandchildren can  start over in a community about three-hundred miles away and avoid the notoriety of their father’s crime.  They are now three and four, and are starting to ask about their dad.  The other grandparents make it clear they feel he is not guilty.  They have made the trip to visit the children twice since his incarceration a year ago.  I know the children will have to deal with the situation one day, but want them to be a little older.  The four-year-old remembers both his parents and knows his mother is dead, though is unaware his father murdered his mother.  He just thinks his dad is sick and had to go away for a while.  Both children love their grandparents and I know they need family.  I have allowed them have supervised visits, but now they are petitioning for unsupervised visits in their home.  I am terrified they will let something slip. What do I do?  Hiding out

Dear Hiding, I know you don’t want anything to slip out, but these children will learn the truth one day.  The best you can hope for is damage control.  Talk to a family therapist. If the court hasn’t appointed an advocate for the children, ask that one be appointed.  Auntie Linda

Bad, Bad Monday

I think my youngest sister once had the worst Monday ever.  She’d spent the night with me.  When she was getting ready to go to work, she realized she’d forgotten her slip and absolutely had to have one since her dress was sheer.  I dug mine out and we pinned it up for her.  I made her a nice lunch.  As she went out the front door in the rain, she realized she’d left her lunch behind.  She whirled to come back in, tearing her stockings on the screen.  After, I found her another pair, she grabbed her lunch and headed out again, late by now, hanging her heel on the threshold, breaking it off.  Of course, she fell down the steps, hitting her head, skinning her knees, tearing her dress, and destroying a second pair of stockings.  She just came back in crying, called in to work, and spent the rest of the day in bed nursing a headache.

Don’t Bother Reaching for Your Umbrella, It’s Probably Broken!

Baby group Kids small

Top pic:  Me and the kids in baby’s first days.  Notice how I don’t appear to know how to manage.  A picture is worth a thousand words.

Bottom Pic: Children about six months later

The baby was tiny. I hadn’t seen anything but tonsils, poop, and Sesame Street in three weeks. My three-year-old-jabbered non-stop. My ears were sore. Naturally, with the clear-thinking of a woman with near terminal post-partum depression, I took full responsibility everything that went wrong. I don’t know if my husband was a good father or not, since he Continue reading

New Blog Page: Follow to Follow

Opportunity to get noted Reblogged from A Journey with You

A Journey With You

I am trying to be a good citizen of the blogosphere (giving something back to the community) and following the lead of some other bloggers. I am creating a page for my followers to be listed. This way new followers can find you, and you can find new blogs to follow.  I will be working on this all week.

Please leave one sentence about your blog and your link and I will add you to the page. 

I will be back with new content on Wednesday.

Please check out my new page (Follow to Follow) at the left upper corner of my blog. (I will begin to add your links on Monday).  I hope you will support your fellow bloggers by adding a few new blogs to your reading list.

View original post

Joke of the Day

Monday: Missed the snooze ??

Monday: Missed the snooze ??” hit the ooze button.

Monday 3

'That's the wrong one. Hope you kept the receipt.'

‘That’s the wrong one. Hope you kept the receipt.’

Monday 8Monday 9Monday 5

THINGS YOU’D LIKE TO SAY AT WORK

  • I see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
  • I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  • I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  • I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
  • I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  • It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
  • Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again…
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
  • I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  • I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  • It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  • And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
  • Do I look like a people person?
  • This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • I started! out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.