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Ask Auntie Linda, November 12, 2015

Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, Our daughter Becky is bipolar and has been married three times.  She and her first husband David have two children of whom David has sole custody.  We all live in the same small town.  We loved David and welcomed him as a son. He has always come for all holidays since he has no parents and considers us family.  We were devastated when Becky left him for another man.  She has been very unstable, in and out of relationships and more or less dropped out of family activities after her marriage to David broke up.  She just married #3 about a month ago.  He seems okay, but time will tell.  The problem is, Becky has asked us to ask David to just drop the children off so she and #3 can celebrate with “just family.”  We refuse to do this, since he is the primary parent and the children have never celebrated without him.  Also, he is extremely generous at sharing the children with us, letting them visit any time we ask.  We can’t afford to jeopardize our relationship with the children just to please her.  Becky is furious, saying we’ve chosen David over her.  She says she won’t come if David is there. What do we say?   Torn

Dear Torn, When two people have children, they will have a relationship for life, like it or not.  The children’s needs are most important.  Tell Becky, “Dinner is at noon just as planned.  Hope you can make it!”  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Lnda, My husband and Mother dislike each other.  I am caught between them.  Mama picks for information about family, and he responds hatefully.  I am caught between two difficult people.  They complain to me about the other.  I have come to dread Mama’s visits.  Sometimes, I would like to pinch both hands off.  How do you handle two ornery people.

Dear hate it.refuse to get involved,  they probably  won’t notice.

Afternoon Funny

'Thanks for all your hard work.'

‘Thanks for all your hard work.’

Thanks 2 Thanks 2 stress 2

'I've been told I grind my teeth while I'm napping at work.'

‘I’ve been told I grind my teeth while I’m napping at work.’

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“All right. How long do you need them?”
The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, “Is he bottle fed or breast fed?
The woman replies, “Breast fed.”
The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts.
He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while … “No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk.”
Woman replies, “I know, Im his granny … but I’m glad I came!”

A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him:

– Do you smoke?
– No.
– Do you drink?
– No.
– Do you eat fast food?
– No.
– Don’t worry, I’ll find something anyways…

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done.”

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news.”

“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?”  asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible!”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Joke of the Day

image image image image

Unwanted Guests

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn’t know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea….
He turned to the crowd of guests and said “Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?” About twenty people stood.Then he asked ” Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?” about twenty five people stood up. Then He smiled and said



“Will all those who stood please leave, this is a birthday party”.

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”

Married Couple

At my granddaughter’s wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, “What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?”
I said, “The three most important words in a marriage are, ‘You’re probably right.’”
Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, “She’s probably right.”

Counseling

A couple were having marital problems. They decided to do the right thing and contacted a marriage counselor.
Several visits followed when lots of questions were asked and lots of listening carried out. Eventually the counselor felt that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the wife and asking her to stand up, he gave her a big hug.
He turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs, at least once every day.”
The husband frowned, considered what had been said for a moment, then replied, “OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?”