A hunter stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: “Am I glad to see you, I’ve been lost for three days.” Hunter 2: “Don’t get too excited, friend, I’ve been lost for three weeks.”
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!” The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.” The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.” The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.” The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”
A Texas mountain lion slipped across the line into Oklahoma to visit his cousin and couldn’t help noticing how sleek and well-fed his cousin looked.
“Hey Buddy, what’s your secret to eating so well?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy, cousin. All you gotta do is sneak up behind a cowboy and scare the crap out of him. Then you eat’im,” he answered.
“All right! I’ll give it a shot!” He took off across the plains and they didn’t meet up again for about six months.
“Well, I thought you be looking a lot better by now, but it looks like you’re ’bout to starve to death. Didn’t that advice I gave you help at all?” said the Oklahoma cat.
“Naw, it didn’t,” said the Texas cat. “I sneaked up and scared the crap out off ’em all right, but once you scare the crap out of a Texas cowboy, all you got left is boots and a belt buckle.”