Joke of the Day

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!” “Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a weinie!”

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MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED: G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions… Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, “Not only did I get the job, I’m already working on a murder case

Blonde Logic January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…”duh”…bottles won’t fit in typewriter! March – Got excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…box said “2-4 years!” April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out! May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets! June – Tried to go water skiing…couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…car swamped, because top was down. September – The capital of California is “C”…isn’t it? October – Hate M & M’s…they are so hard to peel. November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! December – Couldn’t call 911…”duh”…there’s no “eleven” button on the phone! What a year!

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator. “Help! My house is on fire!” the blonde replies. “Okay, where do you live?” “In a house you silly billy!” the blonde replies. “No,no! How do we get there?” the operator asks frustratedly. “Duh! Big Red Truck!!”

A boss tells a blonde applicant, “I’ll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?” “In three months.”

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Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”

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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back

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