Best Cat Cartoons and Jokes of the Day

 

can opener1can opener2can opener 3can opener 5can opener 4Funny quotes about cat owners

  • “You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.”- George Mikes
  • “There are few things in life more heart warming than to be welcomed by a cat.” – Tay Hohoff
  • “The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.”- Pam Brown
  • As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. – Ellen Perry Berkeley
  • “My husband said it was him or the cat…I miss him sometimes.” – Unknown

 

Read more: http://therealowner.com/humor/funny-quotes-about-cats-and-cat-owners/#ixzz3sSJa4CMV

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Rest Your Weary Head: Uplifting Advice for the Heartbroken

victorian angel

Dear Auntie Linda,  I am a first-grade teacher in a small town.  One of the major problems my students face is hunger.  It is not just the children of homeless or jobless people who face hunger on a regular basis.  So many working parents simply do not make enough to provide sufficient food for their families.  If they qualify for free lunch program, at least they get that meal, but come to school hungry and go home in the afternoon to families who can’t consistently provide enough food, not to mention, nutritious food.  If families qualify for food assistance, they will very likely run out before the end of the month.  Churches and food pantries help, but they are facing funding issues as well.  I see hunger in children’s faces every day.  I keep a supply of low cost, nutritious snacks I can slip to a hungry child on the sly, but my budget is limited and I usually run out before my monthly payday.  Friday afternoons toward the end of the month fill me with dread.  It breaks my heart to see little ones going out who will miss their milk and school lunch over the weekend.  I encourage those of your readers who can afford it to contribute packets of nutritious snacks to your school.  It would help little guys so much if teachers could make an opportunity to pass them out to little ones who can’t learn because they are hungry.  Teaching the Hungry

Dear Teaching,  It is a wonderful idea to ask parents or those in the community who can to contribute.  It would be easy enough to have a snack drive or ask parents to add a packet of snacks to their school supply list, if they could afford to do so.  This would also be an excellent community service project.  Maybe the idea will catch on if you ask your school to promote it.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My only sister has one child, a nine-year-old daughter, who is extremely spoiled.  My husband has always said he’d “love to straighten her out.”  Granted, Megan is a brat.  She whines, is selfish, and has a smart mouth.  Last week Annie called asking to speak to Bill.  She told him she and her husband have a chance to go to Paris and asked if Megan could stay with us for two weeks.  I am not surprised she asked him.  She knows he is domineering and knew it was her best shot, knowing I’d have to talk to him about it anyway.  He’d agreed and it was set up before he hung up.  Bill is not a patient man.  He angers quickly and acts before he thinks.  I know having Megan here will be a disaster.  Our kids tiptoe around him, but Megan will be wide open, since she’s never been disciplined.  She doesn’t even flush the toilet when she’s done.  Bill looks at this like a project.  He is going to straighten her out.  How in the world do I get out of this?  Annie’s Sister

Dear Sister.  Call Annie and tell her your home is not a fit place for Megan.  While you are at it, look hard at your situation.  It doesn’t sound like your home is a safe place for your children either.  Children have a right to grow up free of fear.  They deserve better.  Auntie Linda

Company’s Coming

Reblogged from Vanbytheriver. She’s been in my head again.

vanbytheriver

Clean all the things.

Make it look like no one is living here.

Why do we do this to ourselves and pass it on from generation to generation?

My grandmother did it. My mother did it. Now, sadly, my daughter is doing it.

She sent me this clip with the note “this is me…every. single. time.”

I sent her an apology.

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What the Heck? Old People Don’t Get Married (Finale)

Reblog of older post. Contains original Art

Nutsrok

Wuppin Mama redoMama was waiting for me with the screen door open. “You sassed Miz Wilson! You know better than that. Go cut a switch, and it better be the right or I’ll go get one myself.”

My pathetic explanation, “I wasn’t trying to be smart alek, I really just didn’t care if I wore out the seat of my pants,” was no help.  There was no escaping.  Mama wasn’t cruel, just intended for her children to obey.  Selection of a switch was a weighty matter.  Mama required a switch large enough to make a nice snap and sting when it struck the legs, but small enough not to cut the skin.  I wanted to choose a switch just barely large enough to meet her standards.  If I misjudged and Mama had to fetch her own, it would not be good.  Dawdling would not help, so I chose the best of the…

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What the Heck! Old People Don’t Get Married!

Reblog of an old post.  Original art by Kathleen Swain who is now 87.  This is her story.

Nutsrok

Wuppin' Mama0006Cousin Katie got married!  What the heck!  Old people don’t married. An old man and his old, old grouchy mama came to visit.   I was only four in 1932 and got this news, like most of life’s important information, from my favorite eavesdropping post under the table. I pretended to play with my paper dolls as Mama and Katie drank coffee and learned Katie

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Do you still want this dumb-ass cat if it’s dead when you get here?

imageimageimageimageGot a call from her a few days ago, “Do you still want this dumb-ass cat if it’s dead when you get here?”  She’s been shutting Noah in the bathroom while she’s at work.  By the time she gets home, Noah is frenzied with pent-up energy and redoubles his attacks on poor geriatric Izzy.  Izzy is a big dog and it wouldn’t take but one good snap to do Noah in.

Well, Noah is living happily at my house now.  He and Buzzy are fast friends, tussling, eating, and sleeping together.  They are about equal in energy and love being together.  Welcome home, Noah.

Laugh Your Way With Joke of the Day

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Thinking of being thankful while still keeping a funny tone? You can do so and still wish a happy Thanksgiving to your close ones using these famous but yet funny Thanksgiving sayings and phrases.funny thanksgiving turkey

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. ~ Phyllis Diller

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. ~ George Carlin

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~ Iry Kupcinet

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart

The thing I’m most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands. ~Unknown Author

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before. ~ Rita Rudner

I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~ Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser

I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all. ~ Ellen Orleans

We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. ~ Epicurus

It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds. ~ Unknown Author

Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~ Michael Dresser

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. ~ Rita Rudner

What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? ~ Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. ~ Kevin James

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart

Here I am 5 o’clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt. ~ Roseanne Barr

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminium foil and throw them out. ~ Nicole Hollander

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. ~ Erma Bombeck

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. ~ Kin Hubbard

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. ~ Jim Davis

Coexistence… what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving ? ~ Mike Connolly

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. ~ Jim Davis

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed – like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese. ~ Ted Nugent

There is no sincerer love than the love of food. ~ George Bernard Shaw

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general. ~ Cornelius Plantinga, Jr

May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy. Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious, And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs! ~Unknown Author

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