Please excuse the offensive word used in context in this story.
Rosie was beautiful, the first black woman I ever knew. She tolerated my stroking her creamy, caramel-colored legs as she washed dishes or ironed. Her crisply starched cotton housedresses smelled just like sunshine. Normally, I trailed my mother, but on the days Rosie was there, she couldn’t stop suddenly without my bumping her. Rosie ate standing up at the kitchen counter with her own special dishes while I ate at the kitchen table. I wanted to eat standing at the counter with her but wasn’t tall enough. One day as we ate, she told me she had a little girl. Pearl was three years old, just my age, Three years old. I was enchanted. “Is she a nigger girl?” Rosie’s face fell.
“Don’t say ‘nigger.’ That’s a mean word. Say ‘colored’.” I was surprised Rosie corrected me, not knowing I’d done anything wrong. I was also surprised to hear “nigger” was a mean word. I’d heard it many times.
Rosie said no more. I was relieved when she seemed to have forgiven me, soon allowing me to hug her and stroke her beautiful, smooth legs as she worked along.
It was years before I realized how deeply I’d hurt her. I am so, so sorry Rosie. I wish I could unsay that awful thing.
So many people grew up hearing that word, not knowing how deeply it could cut. I’m thankful it wasn’t used in my home growing up. At least you didn’t continue with it, as, unfortunately, many in that era have. It’s an awful word, and it surprises me when I hear it today. It makes me cringe. This is a beautiful post, and a great thing to do and say. You rock, Mrs. Linda!
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My kids grew up like you, too, Martie. We always had a houseful and nobody cared what color or religion anyone was.
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Wow …….. I’m glad you learnt that lesson at such a young age. Many don’t.
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She taught me to love before I really learned to hate. So glad God put her in my life.
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That is a beautiful thing to say.
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You didn’t know better. And I’m sure she was aware of this. She taught you something and I’m sure that that must have made her feel better about it too. She was able to plant a little seed deep inside you and there was hope that this seed eventually would help her and everyone else in her position to finally live a better life.
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I believe it worked, Thank God.
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The moment that your innocence was marred, but one that was unavoidable by your circumstance. What I do love is the way you describe wanting to eat with her at the bench. Your setting is very vivid and your writing is beautiful in this piece.
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Thanks so much.
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A brave post. I am sure she knew you were innocent, and maybe she felt good that she had the chance to teach you not to use the word, while you were still so young. As children we knew no better. I certainly learned the counting rhyme ‘Eenie, meanie, miny, mo’ and when my children were little, I started to say it to them and luckily realised where it was going and substituted the word with ‘fishy’ for the ‘n’ word. I still feel guilty about that!
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The things we teach and learn when we aren’t thinking. I am glad she corrected me so kindly. I means a lot.
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At least you realize it now. N.
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I’ll never forget
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Part of the beauty is Rosie showing the difference between action and intent. Love wins.
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It does.
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You were three, therefore copying what you were used to hearing from those around you. I’m sure as hurt as Rosie was, she understood that you, personally did not mean it.
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She was so kind.
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I remember that story. I so understand that you regret. But you were a child and did not mean it.
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It would have never crossed my mind to intentionally hurt her.
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I’ll find you a good one.
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Check my site. Just posted several for you.
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I would have never doubted that! You have always had such a big heart, Linda!
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Big soft one.
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💖💖💖
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