Adult Christmas Jokes
Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys any more?
Please note: this page features Christmas humour for grown-ups, and not risqué adult
1) Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
‘Tiny’, answers Mike.
2) Snowman Jokes
What do you call a snowman in the tropics?
3) Christmas Presents
(Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!)
5) Christmas Pudding Notice
6) Christmas Pizza Joke
7) Classic Christmas Joke
David remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Macy’s one Christmas Eve.
Dad said, ‘What a marvellous train set. I’ll buy it.’
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, ‘Great, I’m sure your son will really love it.’
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, ‘Maybe you’re right. In that case I’ll take two.’
What A Girl Wants For Christmas
The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’
‘Something for my mother, please,’ replied Emily sweetly.
‘Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,’ smiled Santa. ‘What do would you like me to bring her?’
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, ‘A son-in-law.’
How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?