Not Always the Best Memories of Family Christmas

imageHolidays with my cousins were a lot more like cage boxing than Hallmark Christmases. I had more than forty first cousins, mostly wild animals. By the time my aunts and uncles herded them to the scene of the crime, they just opened the car doors and all Hell broke loose. Exhausted from defending themselves and the babies on the ride over, it was every man for himself. God help anybody in the way.

They’d rip through the house under the guise of needing the bathroom and a drink of water, destruction in their wake, before being cast out into the yard or to the barn if it was raining, like demons into swine.  While they passed through, they destroyed anything in their wake.  We always hid our loot, but the evil little devils usually managed to mark something for destruction, even if it was no more precious than a dish or Christmas ornament.  Actually, they were cast out onto the other cousins. We’d get a baseball or football team going, all the big kids on one team, so the little ones never got a chance to bat, or got mowed down in football. They’d go squalling in to their nosy daddies who’d come out long enough to straighten us out a vague semblance of fairness, often lingering to play a while.

Once the games started, it was chaos. It was survival of the meanest, shoving kids down, stomping eggs little ones dropped, squalling, and even a few bloody noses. Crazy Larry kept trying to pee on us while we were distracted. One aunt in particular didn’t think her big kids ought to have to share at the end of the day.  It was perfectly fine it her kids here gaged all the nuts, best of the Christmas feast, or desserts.  She heaped their plates with goodies, saying she’d eat what they didn’t.  Her boy Kenwin would demand, More chicken(turkey, ham)Mama, more shicken!”  She loaded his plate till he staggered, unconcerned that there was a tribe to feed besides him.

Ah, family. Better get busy. I have company coming. But not Crazy Larry. He’s in the witness protection program.

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31 thoughts on “Not Always the Best Memories of Family Christmas

  1. We never had 40 all at once but pretty close. My mom used to restrict us to the sun porch. It had no heat, but cram all the kids in there and it got pretty warm. Once we locked my older sister in the freezer chest. It was not plugged in and we did let her out after a while. She was going to tattle on us and it seemed like a good way to stop her. :o)
    Great story Sally, I can relate but on a slightly smaller scale.
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Another great post. When we all got together, I was in charge of taking all nieces and nephews outside to play. After getting everyone dressed and over to the next hill to go sledding, some little had to pee!😂Never fails.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Loved the cartoons. Glad we spent our Christmases mostly alone. My mother wanted no other children in her immaculate home. No messes allowed nor unpleasant behavior. I think in some way from reading this, I got very lucky. 🙂

    Like

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