How to Start Your Day With a Great Belly Laugh

 

Q: Why is Christmas just like your job? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? A: Twerky.

Q: What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? A: Stick with me and we’ll go places.

Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!

Q: Elves use what kind of money? A: Jingle bills!

Q: What does Santa say when Mrs. Claus asks for the weather forecast? A: “Rain, dear.”

Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Q: Why the Christmas tree can’t stand up? A: It doesn’t have legs.

Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to good little sharks when they’re sleeping? A: Santa Jaws.

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe.

Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A: RUDEolph.

Q: What is the best work union in the world? A: The rein deer union. A: Full pay, food, housing and only need to work one night a year.

Q: What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine? A: This will sleigh you.

Q: Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party? A: Because he didn’t want to be recognized.

For Christmas, I gave my kid a BB gun. He gave me a sweater with a bull’s-eye on the back.

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I’ve decided to give everyone my opinion.

Is anyone else waiting until December 22nd to Christmas shop? Just in case the Mayans were right?