Ask Auntie Linda, Straight Advice from a StraightShooter

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda, my mother died about six months ago.  Our family had spent the last year caring for her, but I was the main caregiver.  I never left her house except for a few hours at a time.  Either me, one of my two sisters, or her sister was always at her side.  We didn’t want her to ever feel awkward at getting care from outsiders.  It was a terrible but satisfying part of my life, knowing I was keeping a promise to her long after she wouldn’t have known the difference.  I didn’t want her to die, but thought I’d done my grieving day by day as she declined.  The last two months she didn’t know anybody.  I was so wrong.  My grief is so heavy and oppressive I feel like I can’t get a deep breath.  Every time I take a bite of food or see a sunny day, I am heartsick knowing Mother is gone,  it angers me when people remark that I must’ve relieved.  I don’t enjoy time with my husband, friends, or family.  Is it normal for me to grieve so hard for my Mother.  I don’t want to keep living this way.  Mama’s Girl

Dear Mama’s Girl, The depth of grief you describe for your mother is not usual.  By two months, you should have started feeling some lessening.  Chances are, you have developed clinical depression as a result of the misery of her lengthy illness and grief at her death.  Since you took care of your Mother so long, you lost track of your life.  Talk to your doctor.  Chances are medication will help.  Be sure to stay in touch on your with your doctor on your progress.  It is likely your dose age will have to be adjusted.  You may find it helpful to rate your mood 1 thru 10 daily on your calendar to help you evaluate your progress, since it’s hard to be objective when you have bad days.  Make an effort to do one good thing everyday, especially when you are low.  It will help.  Sorry for your loss.  You will always miss your mother, but life will be good again, just different.  Joy is attainable.  Auntie Linda

Dear  Auntie Linda, I am a sixteen year-old-girl who has never had a boyfriend or even a good friend who is a boy.  I don’t even have a dependable best friend.  My oldest friend often ditches me.  I am so awkward and shy, I’d never talk to a boy for fear he’d laugh at me.  I have no idea how to flirt or make a boy notice me.  I am embarrassed if a boy catches me looking at him.  I just look away, hoping he won’t make fun of me.  I am worried about bullied, so try never to call attention to myself.    I just keep quiet and try to stay under the radar of mean kids.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have friends.  Alone and Blue

Dear Alone and Blue, it probably won’t make you feel any better, but many kids are struggling just like you are.  It is hard to judge if people will respond well, but chances are, there  is another shy student near you in school who would welcome a friendly gesture.  You wouldn’t have to smile or even speak.  Maybe just make a point not to look away if you catch their eye.  You can judge from their reaction whether or not they or friendly.  A quiet kid is not likely to ask, “what are YOU staring at?” as a hateful kid would.  Try being just a bit friendlier without making a real gesture.  You sound like a good kid.  Auntie Linda

4 thoughts on “Ask Auntie Linda, Straight Advice from a StraightShooter

  1. For the teenager, I would suggest joining a club or group at school. I was very shy in school too. It helped when I joined different clubs and organizations. BTW, that friend of hers doesn’t sound so great. She definitely needs to dump her for some new friends.

    Liked by 1 person

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