Ask Auntie Linda, Straight Talk from a Straight Shooter

 

Auntie LindaDear Auntie Linda, I am a single woman who took three little girls through the foster care system.  They were four,  two years, and eleven months.  They had two older brothers who had been taken by the paternal   grandparents who weren’t related and couldn’t take the girls. I was aware Hallie had been sexually abused by her mother’s boyfriend and cautioned of the possibility she might act out sexually. Before the adoption was complete, the middle girl, Carly,  told me that “Hallie hurt me.”  She showed me where she had a laceration on her vagina.  I was devastated, and called their social worker.  To protect the little ones, Hallie was placed in another home where there was no other child.  We maintained contact with supervised visits.  Losing Hallie was a devastating loss to us all, even though it wasn’t allowed to keep them together.  Hallie went on to develop a drug and alcohol problem.  She ran away to live with a boyfriend at sixteen and had a baby a few months later.  She is at risk of losing parental rights due to drug issues and has asked that Baby Gracie be placed with me, even though she is still angry and acts out at me because I reported that she was molesting her younger sister. Her rights have not yet been terminated.  I’d love to take the baby, especially since she is family to my other girls.  They desperately want the baby, but am concerned that Hallie will be a disruptive force in her life and ultimately cause problems for Gracie.  What is likely best, a totally new start, or the risk that Hallie will cause trouble?  Want the Best for My Girls

Dear Want the Best, If you are up for the challenge, the best thing for Gracie would probably be joining her own family.  If Hallie’s parental rights are terminated, you could control visitation.  There is always the possibility Hallie might do well enough that Gracie would benefit from time with Hallie, or not!  Only you could decide if you want to take the chance on heartbreak again.  It is sad to think Little Gracie might move from home to home while Hallie tries to get herself together.  Auntie Linda

Dear Auntie Linda, My husband and I have been married four years and I raising his five-old-daughter from a previous relationship.  We have a three-year-old son together.  After Sally came back from visiting her mother last week, I walked in and Sally was manipulating Jackie’s penis saying, “I know how to make you feel real good!”  I told Sally and Jackie it wasn’t right to touch other people’s privates and told my husband, John.   He said it sounded like normal childhood  curiosity and we should just keep a watch on them.  I know what I saw.  What do I do?  Mom

Dear Mom, Trust your gut.  In a non-threatening, non-emotional manner, you and your  husband should ask Sally if she has seen anyone do that before. If your husband won’t take responsibility, you must.   If she has witnessed or been a victim of inappropriate behavior, ask your pediatrician for guidance.  He or she can direct you.  Hopefully, there will be nothing to report.  Auntie  Linda

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Ask Auntie Linda, Straight Talk from a Straight Shooter

  1. Great advice. I have to add my own two cents…. I agree that the foster mom should take in baby Gracie. She needs to be with her family. Since Hallie is a drug addict, she probably won’t be around much to even see her child. She’ll be chasing after drugs. Gracie needs stability.

    As far as the second question…. I’m a little worried why dad is not more concerned. This is not normal behavior for a child. What an awful situation.

    Liked by 1 person

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